God of Transformation

God is so AWESOME.

This post is just one of thanksgiving. God has been breaking down things in me and refining me. And my satisfaction, increasingly, is in Him. The song I will Exalt You by Hillsong is becoming a greater reality. God is shaping my faith and redirecting my steps so that He is my refuge and my hiding place... my treasure. And this going back to God is different from than in the chapel days. In the chapel days, I did not have a desire to go back into the world. But now, I understand that I am to go back out, that I am to be a light in the darkness. My quiet place is to be a time of rejuvenation for the purpose of going back out into the world. In '09, I had a burning desire for others to know Christ, yet I did not know how to take what God had given me and share it with others. When I was going to all the different churches during my senior year of high school, I wasn't going with the mentality of How do I take what God has taught me here and blessed me with back home so that I can be a representative of Christ at 100 Alcott? I treated church as an escape rather than as a refilling of oil in my lamp to be a light at home. I was not even thinking like that. I just wanted to get away and church and the chapel were just that.

And you know, maybe I needed to be at that stage for a while. For God was training me and teaching me as I hopped from church to church. Teaching me so much -- I will never fully know why I had to go through the experiences that I went through or why I had to learn things the way that I did. But God in His wisdom just... did it all. I was thinking the other day of how much God has to transform in me but then it hit me... He has already transformed me. The person that I was when I accepted Christ for real at the altar that Sunday in November 2006, is sooooo different than the person I am now! I am bolder, I am more enthusiastic, I am more passionate, I understand my faith and Christ's relevancy and character on a much greater level (I did not fully grasp much of that stuff when I was starting out), I love God more and God has deepened my understanding of what it means for Him to love me. And YES, I have a much MUCH longer way to go. But God has brought me far already. This is significant and noticeable change from Janell 2006/2007 to Janell 2011. All the work of God. Hallelujah. Thank You God for being a transforming God, not one who is content with me as I am but who wants to change be for the better. For the honor and glory of Your Name. Show me what that means Lord. And may I be on board with bringing glory to Your Name and not my own. Hallelujah!

Thank You Jesus. You are truly great and wonderful. Thank You SO MUCH for loving me! You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. Thank You for being constant and perfect in character. Thank You for being reliable and true to Your word. Thank You that I lack nothing in You! Thank You that though so many things will fall away, YOU remain, and that is enough. Hallelujah, Lord You are too good! Blessed be the Name of the Lord! May You be lifted up in every season of life, exalted no matter what. Though I waver, You remain the same and You are always worthy of worship. Thank You Lord! How great is my God!

AMEN.

The Rediscovery of God's Love

It amazes me how many times I have to rediscover God's love. It is just something that cannot be grasped right away.

God, You are so cool. I am overflowing with gratitude of how You have provided for me spiritually. Even though community is not something that I am used to living in, You have placed me in an environment where people actually care about me and love me incredibly. And whenever I go off track, You guide me to where I should be.

Yesterday, God showed me something. And it will sound obvious, but it is amazing how God speaks through the seemingly small revelations and obvious facts. He showed me that community and Him are not opposite to each other. I was telling Stephen that I miss the days where it was just me and God; those chapel days where I was constantly in the sanctuary saturated in His Presence. This semester, God has been driving me away from the mentality of it just being me and Him. He has been using community to speak to me and love me as well. For G it's the opposite; he is used to going to people and his transition is into spending more alone time with God. I was surprised; my first reaction was something to the effect of How can you not like/do that? How is that hard for you? I would take spending alone time with God over community any day.

At that time, I was seeing community and God as different. Living in community was like a chore: being vulnerable, sharing deep thoughts, loving people are not effortless tasks. Moreover, with God I am already vulnerable; I do not have to worry about how I will be perceived if I open up myself. There is always risk in community and relationships and I despise the idea of being hurt, especially since I constantly opened myself up as a child and was constantly rejected and hurt. The possibility of experiencing that again is not something that I am eager to run to.

So when it was just me and God, He was present and when it was me and people/community, it was just... something. Like, I understood the importance of deep relationships with Christians; they help us grow and hold us accountable. The Body of Christ is there to help each Christian know that they are not on this journey alone. I got all that and not only did I understand the importance of community, I also saw that it was necessary. Vulnerability strengthens community and our faith in Him.

However, even with all of this understanding about community, in that moment I saw alone time with God as greater. Vulnerability is difficult and sometimes, if not most times, you don't feel like doing it. In those chapel days, I was already an open book before God. His understanding of me surpassed my own understanding of myself. I did not have to fear rejection or judgment. I did not even have to go through the mundane task of explaining things to Him. And God trumps all, of course. But the awesome thing that God showed me is that He and community are not separate. I was only seeing God as being present and loving on me when I was in my quiet time with Him. I did not attribute the love I felt through community to Him. I think that's something that might have been heart knowledge but not head knowledge (wow, for once it was reversed). Or more like, I experienced His love through community but never articulated that it was God loving me.

That is what God helped me grasp last night in my quiet time in my nice quiet place on the picnic table behind Digman. And when I was offering thanksgiving to Him, I was thanking Him for the people who love me in community, the people whom He loves me through. Heewon --- oh my gosh, I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am to God for her. It is solely God that we are as close as we are. She is the only one who knows everything about one particular aspect of my life. And I said to God, "Lord, what would I do if I had to go through this part of my life alone? You provided Heewon right from the beginning--- I do not have to explain how things began. Thank You!" You put her in this place in my life before I even understood how important her community would be as I go on this wishy-washy emotional journey. And last night, I was in Sarah Min's room studying and she was just so incredibly hospitable to me! She bought me sushi with her dying meal plan, she offered me her Chinese food, and she just LOVED me through her hug. Her hug was so understanding and when I left she wished me a good time with God. She even let me wear her jacket outside. I ended up spending the night there and she let me sleep in her (incredibly comfortable) bed. And I was on that picnic table just thanking God for her community with me. We did not have deep conversation, just random bursts here and there since we both had work to do. I did not tell her what was going on in my head or anything. But the love she showed me through touch and through her hospitality and service put me at such peace. I could just chill. Her presence and simple gestures were all I needed. Sarah Min was loving me in a way that helped me understand that I was not being a burden. At all. I was welcome. As I was. Ugh, she is so great.

Community is not outside of God; it is founded in Him. Well, duh, I knew that. The minute community, specifically church, distracts/leads away God, it has lost its purpose and its existence is in vain. But another duh that I did not fully articulate/realize is that God LOVES ME through community. He uses people and relationships to love on me/as another expression of His love. I was putting Him in a box, as if He was only there when I was alone with Him. But God is there when I am with Stephen and Heewon and Sarah Min and the love that I experience when I am with them is from God. Tonight I was thinking about it a little more and I also realized that I have to be careful; God loves me through these people, but the love that I experience from them is them loving me too. Christ's love strengthens their love. Each Christian relationship and Christian community is a three-way relationship. There is me, people, and God. The more Christ-centered the community and relationship, the greater the capacity for love.

A greater capacity for love entails vulnerability and accountability even when you don't want it but love is by no means easy nor is it a nice journey. Jesus's death on the cross is the EPITOME of that idea. Most painful experience for Man to go through, yet the greatest act of love. And the glory of the Resurrection! The pain is worth the glory and greatness that results from it. The beauty of the love that I experience when I take a chance and am vulnerable with my sisters and brother....awesome. God was able to love on me through Sarah Min when I did not try to be strong. God heals me through my confession to Heewon whenever we speak. And God uses Garnett as the straight up rebuking voice whenever I am out of turn.

Thank You, Jesus, for loving me through these wonderful people. And thank You for constantly expanding my understanding of what Your love is/what it means to love You and experience Your love. What a constant rediscovery the Christian life is. Please continue to grow me and give me the will and ability to take You at Your Word! I do not want to be one who not only believes in You but believes You. May I be strong and courageous as You have commanded me and fearless since You are with me wherever I go (Joshua 1:9)! May I understand that no one can be against me because You are for me (Romans 8:31). May I not be anxious about ANYTHING (Philippians 4:6-7). Hallelu Jah. I thank You Lord for how you are growing me in You, at so young an age. Please keep me, guide me. Continue to uphold me with Your Righteous Right Hand (Isaiah 41:10). Thank You Lord for Your pure Word (Psalm 12:6); I pray that I will believe it. I am excited for the beauty that You will create out of my life. Blessed be the name of the Lord always. Praise be to the One who gives and takes away and who is good despite my circumstances. Be the One who drives me Lord and the One whom I model after. Be the source of my everything, my strength, my comfort, my love. Thank You Jesus. This I pray in the Name of Jesus the Christ. AMEN.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” - Romans 11:33.

Call for Compassion

Hey.

So today, I decided to try something that I've been wanting to try for a while. I bought some fruit at Bravo today: 6 apples, 6 oranges, and 6 bananas. My mission? To give food to someone in need. I went to Manhattan today, so I figured I'd see somebody who'd be in need. So I saw this woman who was sitting in the subway with a sign I did not even read at first. I gave her one bag (which had two of each fruit) and went on my way. I parted ways with Althea then went up to the platform to catch the 5 train (I saw the woman eating one of the apples I had given her on my way up; how great I felt!!). I tripped up one of the steps to the platform and that second cost me the train. I felt like I should go back and talk to the woman, so I went back down the steps. I asked if I could pray with her, she said yes. I asked her name, she said Sunita (Soo-neeta)? I was so upset with myself for allowing myself to forget. Anyway, I put my hand on her knee, and she put her hand over mine and we prayed. I gave her another bag of fruit so that she could share more with her children. Then I left her.

Earlier, while I was walking to the 28 bus stop after buying the fruit, I started thinking about the whole nature of being compassionate. It's so hard to be compassionate in the city. It is so much easier to default to apathy and dehumanization. We can condition ourselves to walk past people much easier than we can allow ourselves to care. After my experience with Sunita, I noticed how weird I felt. I felt weird being compassionate. How terrible it is when a person gets to the point where they feel abnormal for caring for the needs of another person. That is something that HAS TO change. What would it be like if people created a culture of compassion towards those in need? Those suffering? What a different NYC. Compassion is contagious I will say. What was stirred in the minds of those who saw me praying with Sunita? How did Sunita (I can't help but feel like that's not her name....) feel when someone decided not to walk past her, but stop and read her sign about help for her and her kids and pray with her? Pray that God will meet their need and bring them through this struggle so they could one day testify about His goodness? Man, what a way God will change their lives. And change the lives of many more people if more decide to answer the call to be compassionate. Jesus, do it! I know that I have been moved by seeing the compassion of others. So Lord, start a chain reaction. Create a boldness in the people, especially Christians, to do something about the condition of their fellow man. Lord, when I spent that moment with Sunita, I was able to see that she was human. With her hand over mine, we were connected; she was my sister.

God, embolden my faith in You so that I may have more courage to be compassionate! Raise up others to do the same thing. Change New York City. AMEN.

=)

12:50 pm

A Word to my Christian Sisters

The following is a Note that I was tagged in on Facebook. I hope to fully embody this attitude.
___________________________________________________

A Word to my Christian Sisters

What makes you think that just because I am an Attractive woman of Godly intelligence that I'm incomplete without a mate? Who told you that without a man something's missing From my life? And if so, what would that be?

Love? I love myself. And more importantly I love the Lord He told me that when I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart

Security? I have everything I need according to His riches in glory.

Intimacy? Now, how's a man going to get to know me when he doesn't even know who he is in the Lord?

See my Father told me I'm above a ruby's worth and a gem does not seek, it is sought. I'm single and that's all right with me.

See, it's not that I oppose relationships. It's that I detest co-dependency.

As a woman, I know it is not my role to chase after any man.

Esther 2:14 reads: That I am to wait on my king and when he's delighted in me. He will call me by my name.

My Lord does not intend for me to be needy or desperate.

I am to be Cherished, Relished, Valued, and Honored. It's not my job to convince him Or convict him of that. My mate will already know it, and consistently show it. He will stay on his knees daily, not just to adore me, but to praise the Lord for the virtuous woman he has found. So, when you see me by myself, I'm not alone, I know what I have coming to me. I'm single and saved, and right now that's all I need to be!
___________________________________________________

Be blessed <3

So, the whole Life-In-A-Day thing failed. God didn't want me to put them up. So they got deleted -_- Sadness, but such is life (I say that now because I am over it). I was so tight though! And I lost more stuff today because this stupid comp. shut down on me! Argh, public computers. But at least I have one.
The videos were basically asking the fam and myself what do me love, what makes us laugh, what do we fear, and what's in our pockets. lol, they were cool vids. Then the vids. I was trying to upload today before the comp. shut down were dealing with the preparing of the chicken for the boys chicken fund raising event (and other things like dissing how boyish I looked and playing the cool Charlie Brown Christmas piano song). Later that same day (this was on Thursday), I recorded a video about NJ losing my phone. The ending of it was funny. Aah sigh, I just know not to rely on comps. that delete memory every time they shut down -__-. Anyway...

God blessed me today. Like really blessed me today. I don't even know where to begin. But He spoke to me through Cynthia today. And it was really great. Get ready. Because God is showing me more of Him and is revolutionizing my life and walk with Him. Pray that I become stronger in the Lord. HALLELUJAH! Thank You GOD for who YOU are! I love you Lord! That is all I can say. Praise Your Name and I THANK You for Your Love.

A-MEN!!!!

<3

Daily Audio Bible Entry: Encouragement

Hi all! I am new to this site and I just wanted to encourage you with something that blessed my heart. I listen to the Contemporary Christian Channel on Music Choice and a song played that I absolutely love. It is called Before The Morning by Josh Wilson. I looked up the lyrics for it and stumbled upon some testimonies having to do with the song. Here they are:

Anonymous June 22, 2010 11:55
I heard this song when I discovered my wife was cheating on me. I discovered many things about her...and it destroyed me. I was not saved....I was an atheist. In my anquish....I fell on my knees.....crying out to God......and then my friend.....the one who patiently waited for me over the years....contacted me. She sent me things to read....she sent me things to listen to. This song (on youtube) was one of them.

I'm now saved.....the heart bursting joy I felt....was amazing. God answered my prayer....even though I didn't know I was praying....and sent my friend to help me....help me open that door to God.

Anonymous June 20, 2010 08:33
I heard this song for the first time a few days ago while listing to KSBJ - the BEST christian radio station in Houston, TX. The lyrics to this song are amazing and very powerful. I too am crying and praying fervently for a very dear family whose 16 year old son, Joseph, is in a coma from a tramatic head injury he received riding his skateboard. He has been in a coma since June 3rd. By GOD's grace, he continues to fight the good fight and his family's faith in GOD'S power to perform a modern day miracle to heal Joseph is unwavering. I pray for GOD's grace, mercy and healing to all those who hear this song. Thank you to those who've shared their stories. Your stories bring HOPE. GOD BE WITH YOU.

Anonymous June 12, 2010 07:34
Lovely song. It always plays on 95.9 "the fish" when I feel down and out, reminding me that God will see me through all this. He has done it several times before and will do it again because I trust in Him and rely on Him to be my guide and guardian. Just be patient!

Anonymous May 22, 2010 07:21
It is so very amazing. Every time I start wondering where God is in my situation, this song seems to play on WGTS 91.9 FM in Maryland, my favorite and only radio station I listen to. Whatever God is trying to say to me through this song, Ii pray He would make my faith sight. To choose this Christian pathway comes with lots of questions for which they seem to be no answers. But by faith, we go on leaning on His word; trusting in his Holy Name and believe He will never fail us.

Anonymous May 21, 2010 09:45
WOW, this song came on during a time when I was so confused and furious about a situation with someone I care about, and the lyrics just spoke to me. the lyrics just hit the nail on the head, and gave me hope :)

Anonymous May 08, 2010 04:31
Oh my...I just read all the stories before mine. I pray at this very moment that each of you feel the loving arms of our faithful Father God holding you. He loves you all so very, very much. And the cross you are carrying is the cross he gave you because he knew he could trust you with it. My heart breaks for you. It truly does. You will have an awesome testimony to share of God's grace one day. He has you by the hand. We all need to keep praising the Lord. And, know that everything we have gone through he too suffered. And as this anointed writer Josh Wilson said, joy come in the morning. We still have a reason to sing, the pain that we are feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming. In His presence is the fullness of joy. Keep Praising, Keep the faith, Keep your eyes on Jesus. In His love, Karen H

Anonymous February 09, 2010 10:44
LOVE LOVE this song - he wrote this for a friend whose son wasn't supposed to live due to a Congenital Heart Defect. He's 8 now! I can so relate because my 7 yr old son was also born with a CHD & has been through so much pain in his short life. His is physical pain, mine is emotional pain. But God has been at his side from day 1 & all I can do is PRAISE GOD! You need to see the video at: http://apps.facebook.com/joshwilson/

Anonymous February 05, 2010 09:12
This amazing song of truth reminds us of a God and Saviour who is acquainted with our grief and comforts us to then comfort others. Thanks you Josh for paying the price in worship to pen these lyrics.

Anonymous February 01, 2010 10:31
I did not know the story behind this song untill I bought the album. 14yrs ago my son and daughter died and this summer my husband was suddenly killed in an accident. This song touched a part of my soul deep. I am only 44 and I too will stand strong and dare to believe for me and my 8yr daughter. Thank you Josh for your words.

Anonymous January 31, 2010 02:42
Psalms 109:22,26-27,31
"For I am poor and needy,and my heart is wounded within me... Help me, O Lord, my God! Oh, save me according to your mercy, that they may know that THIS is Your hand-that You, Lord, have done it!... For He shall stand at the right hand of the poor, to save him from those who condemn him."

Anonymous January 31, 2010 02:28
This song has meant so much to me too while I wait for God to do some extremely important things in my life. I need Him so much to come through for me. I'm sure you're family is strugglig for the same thing. But God is FOR US! Who can be against us?? I'll pray for Ayven and your family too! May God show you His miraculous power!

Anonymous January 28, 2010 08:32
I know how it feels to have someone so little that you love so much suffering through such a hard and awful thing. I will pray for Ayven.

Anonymous January 24, 2010 05:39
I heard this song driving home one night...while crying for my little grandson who is a coma due to severe head trauma caused by a daycare provider. He was injured Dec 18 2009 and remains in a come. We ar etold he will not ever be able to interact with his surroundings. My daughter has decided to trust God and let Him lead the way. Our Ayven is breathing on his own and able to swallow as not to assperate causing lungs to fill up with fluid. He does have a feeding tube and will soon have surgery to replace his skull which was removed to relieve pressure. All of that to say.......This song has given me the most comfort through this ordeal. HOPE!!!!!
__________________________________________

Please be in prayer for these people and I hope that you are blessed by the song and their testimonmies! Here is a link for the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=oZDQzR8LK-c&feature=related
God Bless!

Birthday wishes! (Blog written over the span of three days: 4/4,4/5, and 4/6)

Aigh! I've never had so many Facebook notifications in my life! That's what birthdays do xD So, Luis is flippin' awesome. I love that guy. Reading his comments made me smile so damn hard. So, I was going to post all the birthday comments up, but everything is pasted all jumbled and there are too many birthday posts to sort through. I already had to thank them all (and that was a task). So here are the meaningful ones. I'll start with Luis's:

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. So today is saturday. and that means that its your birthday =D. but im not gona say happy bday =). Ima just thank God that you were born 18years ago this day =p 4/3/10 12:12am

Janell Salmon AWWWWW! I am so smiling right now! Thank you Lu!

4/3/10 12:16am

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. Awww well i always know what to say =). and anytime Janell

4/3/10 12:21am

___________________________________________________

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. Its Janell's birthday today. Everyone better wish her i happy birthday or i will go Wolverine on all of your behinds

4/3/10 12:22am

You like this.

___________________________________________________

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. Ok so on the day of your birth they decide to give Purple Rain, The Indian in the Cupboard, and the Little Rascals.. can i vot this the best day EVER?

4/3/10 1:23pm

Misaell Sanchez likes this.

Janell Salmon Lol. No idea what the Indian in the Cupboard is or Purple Rain and I never saw Little Rascals but THANK YOU love xD ♥

4/3/10 3:37pm

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. Omg. Did u have a childhood? Lol jk

4/3/10 4:50pm

Janell Salmon lol, I did, but one filled with Sesame Street and Arthur xD

4/3/10 9:25pm

Misaell Sanchez little rascals won the misa best movie ever award indian in the cupboard always made little boys wonder what happened if our toys ever talked to us purple rain is sex

4/3/10 9:27pm

Janell Salmon lol! Thanks for letting me in Misa xD 4/4/10 2:46pm

___________________________________________________

Janell Salmon Thanks for all the birthday wishes guys! Special thanks to Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. and Natasha Culpepper for pouring out the love! Ily you guys! 4/3/10 10:09pm

Natasha Culpepper likes this.

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. awwww Janell any time. your my sidekick =). the Robin to my batman, the jelly to my peanut butter, the butthead to my beavis =), the Jesus to my Christianity ( i know u like tht one ) lol

4/3/10 10:11pm

Kamal Williams stay golden, janell. happy bday

4/3/10 10:24pm

Janell Salmon LOL! Oh yeah, I got a poem out of you! xD Thanks Kamal!

4/4/10 2:12pm

Kamal Williams that what im here for. hopefully yesterday was everything you wanted it to be and more.

4/4/10 6:26pm

___________________________________________________

lol! I just discovered this one! xD

Luis Tomas Graveley Jr. WHOEVER IS WATCHING TELEVISION VH1 IS GIVING PURPLE RAIN. PURPLE RAIN. PURPLE RAIN. JANELL YOUR BIRTHDAY IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE THE GREATEST DAY EVER 4/3/10 12:33am ___________________________________________________

lol, so that was all Luis. I asked him to pour out the love this week and he sure did! Thanks dude! Here are some others:

Jolle Thomas this is an EXTRAORDINARY day TWO of my favorite people were born on this today my Beautiful niece Cadence and my incredibly Gorgeous and Talented Actress, Singer, Dancer and Spiritually Inspirational Friend Janell Salmon !!!!! LOve you guys soo Much ♥ 4/3/10 11:56pm

Tiffany Gordon and Laze Skepi like this.

Janell Salmon THANK YOU JOLLE! 4/4/10 2:15pm Jolle Thomas You welcome JAnell!!! Around 2am 4/5/10

------------------------------------------

Jolle Thomas Janell My Love!!!! HAppy 18th Birthday Sister. Have a spectacular day sweetie. I hope I see you soon. 4/4/10 12:04am Janell Salmon Me too! Thanks so much Jolle! ♥ 4/4/10 2:17pm

___________________________________________________

Roschelle Salmon-Mckenzie Happy Birthday lil Sis! You are developing into such a beautiful young lady. I wish you nothing but God's best in this new year of your life! Enjoy it to the max! Love you...

4/3/10 10:00pm

Janell Salmon Thank you sista! xD 4/4/10 2:18pm ___________________________________________________

Ricky Aries Salmon HAPPY BIRTH STRONG MI SISTA ;) Wish u many more.

4/3/10 9:50pm

Janell Salmon Gracias sir x)

4/4/10 2:18pm

___________________________________________________

Jescine Jarvis I know I'm super late -- been out all day-- but happy birthday Janell. May the Lord continue to guide and bless you with a million more. ;)

4/3/10 9:10pm

Janell Salmon Thank you Jescine!

4/4/10 2:20pm

___________________________________________________

Alisha Bethea Happpyyyyy bdayyyy janell, I hope u have a wonder bday . May God bless& best wishes :)

4/3/10 8:23pm

Janell Salmon Thanks Alisha!

4/4/10 2:20pm

___________________________________________________

Melissa Noemi Pellerano wishes a very happy birthday to Janell Salmon, Camille Prete, Joanie Bradford, Robert Gonzalez, and Trevor Ramjit. May you be filled with many more years. God bless.

4/3/10 7:44pm

Janell Salmon lol, that's a lot of birthdays xD Thanks chica! ♥

4/3/10 9:24pm

Joanie Bradford thank you ;) 4/4/10 12:00am ___________________________________________________

Enzo Morello Happyyy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4/3/10 7:12pm

Janell Salmon Thanks Enzo! ♥

4/4/10 2:52pm

___________________________________________________

Chenel Coco HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELLY!!!! I hope For you to see many many more!!!! and God bless you!!! HapPY birTHday!!!! =]

4/3/10 7:08pm

Janell Salmon Thank you Chenel! ♥

4/4/10 2:51pm

Chenel Coco your welcome janell!! =] ♥

Around 1am 4/5/10

___________________________________________________

Ryan McConville HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL!!! ILY ♥

4/3/10 6:40pm

Janell Salmon Thank you Ryan! ILY you too! And IMY so much! >.<

4/4/10 2:36pm

Ryan McConville
awwwwwwwwi misss you toooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Around 2pm 4/6/10

___________________________________________________

Jocelyn Perry-Bing Happy Birthday Senior. I'm gonna miss you next year :(

4/3/10 5:37pm

Janell Salmon I'm gonna miss you too! But I'll visit all the time. Thanks girlie =)

4/4/10 2:26pm

___________________________________________________

Mark Princeglobal Lewis Happy Birthday Janell Hope you have a good one, may blessings love Mark lol

4/3/10 2:00pm

Janell Salmon Thank you Mark! I miss you!

4/4/10 2:50pm

Mark Princeglobal Lewis Miss You Too Janell

4/4/10 3:35pm

___________________________________________________

Mariah Biolsi-Vasquez Bailey Happy birthday janell !!! Iloveeyouuuu & have fun beinq legal hehe :D x3 !!

4/3/10 1:56pm

Janell Salmon Thanks chica! I think it's funny that you put "hehe" when you know I'm not gonna do anything xD ily ♥

4/4/10 2:50pm

Mariah Biolsi-Vasquez Bailey Ily2 (: x3 4/4/10 2:51pm ___________________________________________________

Kerii Phillip JANELLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I misss you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH ! I Hope you are enjoying your amazing day so far. Don't let anyone ruin your day && May God bless you on ur beedayyy, another yearr that your are in the land of the living! =)

4/3/10 1:27pm

Janell Salmon Thank you Keri! I miss you too, hope you're having fun in Italy!

4/4/10 2:48pm

___________________________________________________

Nati Elle Happy happy happy birthdayy! Iloveyouu ♥ Keep being your amazing self and make this a wonderful year

4/3/10 1:23pm

Janell Salmon Thank you so much Nati! ♥ ♥

4/4/10 2:45pm

___________________________________________________

Ashley Antwi HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL I am paying 70£ to type this to you...oohhh I'm soooo buying you a gift from here!

4/3/10 1:20pm

Ashley Antwi the was 0,70£ by the way now it's 1,20£ just think of it as a $1.20

4/3/10 1:23pm

Kerii Phillip LMAOO!!! me toooo, we are actually right next to each other!! hahahahaha =) ilyy! 4/3/10 1:27pm

Ashley Antwi LOL KERISha is a loserrrrr!! tehe jk ilym janell!

4/3/10 1:31pm

Janell Salmon AWWWW! You guys are spending expensive European currency! ILY guys ♥ xD 4/3/10 9:26pm

___________________________________________________

Luke Benjamin oh snizzy!!!! happy birthday!! i hope u have many more!!! too bad there's no service today so we can give you your punches

4/3/10 12:44pm

Janell Salmon Thanks Luke! I WISH there was service today! Can't think of a better way to spend the birthday than with the Misfits!

4/3/10 10:01pm

___________________________________________________

Bejeika Mary-Jane Matthew Happy birthday sal!!!! Now theres four of you too old to be in DJBRAAT lol. Have fun

4/3/10 12:35pm

Janell Salmon lol, thanks chica! imy

4/3/10 9:59pm

Bejeika Mary-Jane Matthew Imy too ♥

4/4/10 5:57pm

___________________________________________________

Robert Gonzalez Happy birthday sis i hope u have awonderful and blessed birthday.

4/3/10 11:32am

Janell Salmon Thanks bro! 4/3/10 9:55pm ___________________________________________________

Tara McD HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

4/3/10 11:22am

Janell Salmon THANK YOU TARA!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 4/3/10 9:55pm ___________________________________________________

Brandon-George Leach Arrivederci HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL AND I HOPE YOU GET THE SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE LETTER TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥

4/3/10 10:20am

Janell Salmon THANK YOU BRANDON! XD 4/3/10 9:52pm ___________________________________________________

Nicolette Rosa HAPPY ENTRY INTO THE WORLD DAY! ENJOY IT!

4/3/10 9:56am

Janell Salmon lol! I like that xD Thanks Nicolette!

4/3/10 9:50pm

___________________________________________________

Steph Derfy Opper HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL!!!!!! ♥ GOD BLESS YOU!!!! ♥

4/3/10 9:56am

Janell Salmon THANK YOU OPPER! ♥

4/3/10 9:49pm

___________________________________________________

Shanná Shanagana Bhagan ♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :D i hopee you havee a good day because you're a FREAKING AMAZINGGGG personnnn & you deservee itttt ♥ (:

4/3/10 9:47am

Janell Salmon Thank you chica! I appreciate it! ♥

4/3/10 9:48pm

___________________________________________________

Zarinah Alyse Happpppppppppppppy Birthday. I hope you enjoy yourself love, and this year is one of the greatest you ever had. :)

4/3/10 9:33am

Janell Salmon Girl, I hope so too! Thank you!

4/3/10 9:47pm

___________________________________________________

Joe Rivera It is your birthday.

4/3/10 9:23am

Janell Salmon Yes sir, yes it is =p

4/3/10 9:47pm

___________________________________________________

Jonathan Ayala JANPANLAN!!! HAPPY BDAY!

4/3/10 8:55am

Janell Salmon THANKS JONATHAN! XD

4/3/10 9:46pm

___________________________________________________

Michelle Henderson Happy Birthday Janell sweetheat, I hope you enjoy your day to the fullest!! 4/3/10 3:49am

Janell Salmon Gracias Michelle!

4/3/10 9:38pm

Michelle Henderson No problem just hope you enjoyed your day!!

4/4/10 2:17am

___________________________________________________

Dontae Lewis HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL,

4/3/10 1:50am

Janell Salmon Aight, I get it! xD Thank you dude.

4/3/10 9:36pm

___________________________________________________

Henry Victor Happy b day Shoes!!
4/3/10 1:17am

Janell Salmon lol, thank you Henry ♥

4/3/10 9:33pm

___________________________________________________

Ayanna Williams YAY its my twin's birthday! its the best day everrrrrr! I hope u enjoy this wonderful day girl and the many more that are to come!

4/3/10 1:12am

Janell Salmon Thanks chica! Ily ♥

4/4/10 9:32pm

___________________________________________________

Jaleesa Glover SO ITS MY EMMAUS BABY BIRHTDAY!!!! YAYY!!! LOL HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELL I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AND SPEND IT WITH THOSE YOU LOVE THE MOST....I LOVE YOU AND SO DOES JESUS! LOL ENJOY IT! ♥ LXXV

4/3/10 12:59am

Janell Salmon Yay! Jesus loves me! He loves you too xD Thank you Jaleesa! ♥

4/3/10 9:31pm

___________________________________________________

Sasha Davis Happy Birthday hope you enjoy every second of it..God Bless and wishin you many more to come

4/3/10 12:49am

Janell Salmon Thanks girlie!

4/3/10 9:30pm

___________________________________________________

Misaell Sanchez HAPPY BDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4/3/10 12:22am

Janell Salmon THANK YOU MISA! =D

4/3/10 12:24am

Misaell Sanchez I WISH U HAVE THE BESTEST DAY EVER!!

4/3/10 12:28am

Janell Salmon I will try my bestest xD

4/3/10 12:33am

Misaell Sanchez =D awsome! 4/3/10 1:15am ___________________________________________________

Convo turned birthday wish xD

I started off with something like "Hey girl! What's up, it's been a minute!"

Jenay Harley I kno it has...everything is good...wats happenin with u...missy...

4/3/10 12:19am

Janell Salmon I'm coolies, life is aight. Graduation is riiiiight around the corner.

4/3/10 12:22am

Jenay Harley It really is...time goes by real fast u know....

4/3/10 12:28am

Janell Salmon WORD! I can't believe we're seniors! >.<

4/3/10 12:32am

Jenay Harley And someone is 18 today....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

4/3/10 12:40am

Janell Salmon Thanks girl! 4/5/10 ___________________________________________________

Christina Rose Ellison Happy Birthday!!! Have a great day, you deserve it!! =D

4/3/10 12:13am

Janell Salmon Thank you Cristina! ♥

4/3/10 12:19am

___________________________________________________

Angelique Natasha Jones Rivera-Bylicky The Salmon's legal? Omg =O!!!! Lol hope you have a great bday darling!

4/3/10 12:10am

Janell Salmon lol! Thank you Angie! x)

4/3/10 12:15am

___________________________________________________

Joanie Bradford ahhhh its our birthday ! ♥ love you girl have fun !

4/3/10 12:06am

Janell Salmon Whoop whoop! Thank you! You have a hot day too xD

4/3/10 12:13am

___________________________________________________

Brian Rivera Bylicky Jones OMG IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! May God bless you on your special day!! =]

4/3/10 12:06am

Janell Salmon Awwww! Thank you Brian! ILY ♥ 4/3/10 12:12am

Brian Rivera Bylicky Jones ily2 ^.^ ♥ 4/3/10 12:12am ___________________________________________________

This "Donovan Jetson" is Donovan Samuels.

Donovan Jetson Happy birthday janell !

4/2/10 7:23pm

Janell Salmon lol, a lil early, but thanks dude :)

4/2/10 7:50pm

___________________________________________________

Malcolm Smiley April 3 at 11:36pm JANELL HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! "yea my facebook is acted up it wont let post lol"

Janell Salmon April 4 at 2:11pm Thank you Smiley! Most people would give up, but thanks for sending a message =)

___________________________________________________

Natasha Culpepper HAPPY BIRFFDAAAYY!! did you get your surprise yet? :D

4/3/10 1:25pm

Janell Salmon Thanks girlie! I did not, but I'm looking forward to it x)

4/3/10 3:39pm

___________________________________________________

Well those were all the FB messages that I thought were most meaningful/interesting. And I cannot sign off this blog failing to explain the AWESOME thing that Natasha Culpepper did.

SHE SENT ME A CARD! A MAX LUCADO CARD!

For those of you who do not know who Max Lucado is, he an awesome, poetic, inspirational dude. Like, his words really help you to see the depth of God's love. Some of his lines:

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

And he has books like that with nothing but sayings that demonstrate God's love. The one Natasha showed me last year is God Thinks You're WONDERFUL. I bought it for Nicky for her birthday. Anyway Natasha, since you're on Blogger now, I just want to say to you,

THANK YOU! X)

And thanks to all others for the thoughts, prayers, and the wishes for a good year. Much appreciated!

~Nelly

___________________________________________________

~Edit~

Ashley Sampson omg your 18 now.. now you could actually put your face up on the internet.. arent you happy lol??.. surprised i remembered right?
4/5/10 2:49pm

Janell Salmon
*smiling* Glad you did! xD Yeah, it's pretty cool, but now that I have the chance to I'm just like whatever.
4/5/10 6:26pm

Ashley Sampson
lol ok it's your chioce
4/6/10 2:15pm

For Thought

A female's heart should be so lost in Christ that a male has to seek Him in order to find her.

Boy troubles... what's new?

So, I did all my homework from like, 12-2:30 this morning so that I could spend more time with God in the Chapel 2nd period, but I forgot that confession is going on all this week! So, I'm going to blog instead.

Jesus, I spoke to You yesterday and it felt so good being able to empty myself to you. I haven't done that in weeks! And talking to You and expressing myself to You most definitely makes a difference. I thank You for the privilege. Anyway, although I spoke to You about this same issue yesterday, I've got to go to You about it again today God, because I am so weak -_-.

I can't stop liking this guy! >.<

And it's annoying the heck out of me! I wish I could just stop liking guys. Or at least stop liking guys who are temporarily or permanently* off the market. It's just a pain! But it's also the thorn in my side that is causing me to remain ever-dependent on You. In this stage of my life anyway. And you know, though a thorn is a thorn, I very well could have a whole porcupine stuck in my side. (lol! Christian analogies are the best xD). Like, it's better that I have this issue than a worse one. This is still hard, but it could very well be worse. But this is still hard.

And you know, the other day, You revealed the Godly way of looking at it. There are people in other countries who would love to think about a person they like or who would love to pursue someone. But they can't because they have to worry about what they'll have to eat, a disease they have or might easily catch, or if they'll even live to see tomorrow. They'd much rather have my issues. I am truly blessed.

So God, help me to hold on to You! And take courage in and strength from You! And I guarantee I'm gonna come back to You tomorrow crying about the same thing. But I thank You that You are there to listen whenever I need You. WHENEVER I need You! You are absolutely amazing. And people say You do not exist because You cannot be seen or because you cannot be proved by science or that Man is cool beans, not God. But how much greater is it to have an invisible God who is there 25/8, whenever you need a friend, whenever you need help, guaranteed, even when you wake up from a nightmare, than a physical, visible, tangible God who would only be available some of the time? Whose attention would be divided among the 6 billion people in this world? With God, we don't have to wait on line, or sign our names on a waiting list. He is available all day, everyday, for the rest of our lives...HALLELUJAH! Praise God! A-men! Thank You God that I am a Christian.

*permanently off the market means a guy is either:
Married
Dating a friend
Has dated a friend

Much love everybody!
~ Nelly Asakura

Already?!

Already! They've been going out for a day and already she says she loves him. She's making the same mistake I did. Giving her heart too quickly. And I really don't think they'll last. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she'll be the one. I highly doubt it, but maybe. I've decided I'm going to hold off on talking to him. Like, I think God wants me talk to him, but He's not in a hurry. Like, I don't feel like I He needs me to do it right now. A lot of it is me wanting and being willing to talk to him. I've wanted to talk to since March. Back then it was something diff. and I let it go (think it was about our "relationship"). I decided I'm going to hold off on talking to him for this reason: If I say something and he realizes he has to make a change, I don't want that change to involve breaking up with Kaitlin. I do not want to be blamed and I don't want people to think it's cause I can't let go. So I think God is with me on this one. Jeremy will know, but in God's time. God's taking care of him and I have to be patient as well. So, you know what? I'm am sure they will break up. I mean, duh they will, but I'm sure it will be soon. Def. before the year is over. Let's see if I know him as well as I think I do. Looks like Nicky won the bet on this one; she said yes and now they are dating. Darn it, now she gets the bragging rights. God, I feel so evil. Like, I can't wait for them to break up. I don't if it's because I want to shove examples in his face when we talk or if it's 'cause I'm jealous or because I love the image of me and K sitting on the floor and her crying on my shoulder. Awugh, I feel so selfish and evil! But hopefully God can work even despite these. No, not even hopefully, God can work despite these flaws. God, may Your will be done! For all those who are reading this, please pray for me. I need all the prayer I can get! Thank you.

Where there is Life, there is HOPE

So today, my bro. tells me about how his friend's ex-girlfriend committed suicide. It breaks my heart when I hear that people have lost all hope. Especially since these people are so beautiful and are more blessed than they could ever imagine. It's just crazy. Life is never that bad, for where there's life there is hope. As long as you are living, there is hope for something. Some place better than where you are now. Hope for a better world, a world full of love. As long as you live, there is some...thing that you hope for. Some thing worth hoping for. So I pray Lord for all those who have lost hope. Jesus, show them the way! Show them that once You take control, life becomes worth living. Lead the lost souls to You, Lord. Add numbers to Your church, for You said You would. Reveal Yourself to the world. I ask these things in the name of Christ Jesus and believe that they will come to pass. Amen.

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

About thirty minutes ago, I did something really crazy.

I told DeShana and Jeremy that I forgive them.

I can't believe I did it. I can't believe it. God is crazy. And do you know how? Here's how.

So this past weekend, Saturday actually, I was at Bronx Bethany Church of the Nazarene for their youth service. I go there weekly. So the message was about intentionally representing the intentional love the God has for us. I have no clue what Shane(the preacher) said that triggered this thought in my mind, but all of a sudden, I felt like I was supposed to talk to DeShana and Jeremy. I don't know if it's 'cause he said we have to radical with our evangelism or 'cause he said that we should be moving with urgency if we know that the world will end and unsaved souls will perish. I don't know, but I just felt like I needed to talk to them. I needed to end the silence. I was miserable the rest of that weekend. It was eating at me. I didn't know if it was practical for me to talk to them, if any good would come out of it or if just overstepping the Christian boundary. Ionno. I asked God to give me until Thursday, that Monday was too soon to talk to them. I was fretting so much. Too much over this. And then Sunday evening I was like "You know what God? I'm just gonna trust you and not worry so much." So then I was whatever about it. But was crazy how many times I saw him yesterday.. Like, made close contact with him. 1) When I walked into school he was the first person I saw. 2) I sat behind the both of them in the assembly we had yesterday concerning Judge Sonia Sotomayor (she's a graduate from our school). 3) We walked close to each other after leaving math class (our classes are in the same hallway. 4) He had gym that day and I was coming from music class. He was with my buddy Julian, who poked me, but I totally ignored Jeremy. Four times. And you know, I couldn't keep on doing that. Ignoring them. I have a whole nother year with them in the same clubs, play and gospel choir. And in play, you have to cooperate and you around each other about 10 hours a week. Ignoring people is exhausting and it's not Christian. So yesterday in bible study, I just felt--no, not felt. I know now that God was telling me to do this. The preacher (Rev. Davis) didn't say anything in particular that made me feel way; I just heard God. I decided then that I was going to talk to them. I was gonna do it the next day I wasn't gonna question it anymore. I just didn't know how I was gonna go about saying anything.

So today, I figured I was gonna talk to them. Well, half-figured. I had to do my Spanish dialogue for my Regents in the morning (I got a 23/24! YES!!!) Then there was band practice after school. I didn't know where I was gonna find the time to talk to them 'cause I wanted ample time. So coming out of band about to leave, I remember that their lockers are in the hallway I have to pass through in order to leave through the front entrance. I could have gone through another exit, but I didn't want to be a coward. Like, not walk down the hallway I want to walk down because there are people there I do not like. When there's a pretty good chance they're not even there? That would be defeating myself. But I said to God, "If they're there, I will talk to them."

---8/3/09---
Yeah, let me finish this story before I regret it

So, I walk down the steps and peep to the side to see if they're there. The hallway is clear, so you know I'm overjoyed. So I'm standing near the end of the hallway, looking at this display of Sonia Sotomayor and I see Jasmine so we're just talking and stuff. So we're walking down the hallway to leave and at the end of the hallway, guess who I see? J & D. So I'm feeling "Damn it! Damn it God!" But in my head I'm like "Okay gotta hold up my end of the bargain." So I part with Jasmine and walk up to them and say, "DeShana, can I talk to you?" So, we walk into the staircase that's on the first floor high side right next to the guidance office. So I tell her that I forgive her and all that good stuff and explain the song "Pictures of the Past" by Warren to her and how it says "Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, it lets go, it moves on..stop painting pictures of the past." I think I told her I still love you guys. Something like that. And I apologized for ignoring them and she was all like "Don't apologize" and she said that she thought that I wasn't going to talk to her until the day before my graduation so that I wouldn't leave this school with any baggage behind. Yeah, she said she was sorry, and everything was pretty matter-of-fact. So, yeah. Then it was his turn.

DUNT DUNT DUNT.

So talking to him was so easy, and that's scary. He spoke first. He was ranting about Tiana touched him and he got this weird infection looking thing. He showed it to me. It was like, all bubbly-like. Then he said he put Purell on it and I was like "You idiot, you put sanitizer on it?" And then he told me to shut up and yada. He touched my necklace to read what it said (it was the faith one) and I was like we got it when we went to sing for the pope but, o wait, you didn't sing with us and he was either like "ouch" or "oh, thanks" and ARGH! I hate the fact that it was so easy to talk to him. It was like we were friends again. I HATE that. We were talking about anything for a good 3 minutes. With D, it was straight to the point. After a while, I was like "ANYWAY, I just want to tell you that I forgive you and I'm sorry for ignoring you." And he was all like "It's okay" and in my head I'm like I should be telling you that it's okay; you should be apologizing to me. But whatever. So yeah. I guess I was freed in that moment.

So, Saturday comes and the message is on forgiveness. So, my conscience is all free 'cause I told these people "I forgive you." But Lion King (that's what me, my sis, and my friend Terri-Ann call the preacher) gives this crazy message that had me sobbing:

Forgiveness is restoring the person who hurt us back to the position they were in before they did the act.
The world tells us to keep our guard up, put up a barrier, but God tells us to leave ourselves as open as we were before. Just as vulnerable to get hurt again.
How can we do this? We don't trust that the person will not hurt us again. We're trusting God; His grace is sufficient.
The ministry of forgiveness, of reconciliation, is a non-negotiable aspect of the Christian life.

I was so upset after hearing this message. I went home and threw a tantrum and I was crying all over the place "WHY DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM? THEY HURT ME!!!!" Do you know how many days I spent in the chapel sobbing? For days straight. Worst pain I've ever felt ever. And I have to treat them like my friends again? As if they didn't hurt me? No flippin' way!

But this message was God speaking directly to me. Like, there's no way He wasn't. Two days after I tell them I forgive them and I get this message? Lion King made good points. When God forgives us, He restores us right back to the place where we were. It's not like we start out on top and then fall to a lower and lower level everytime we sin. When we ask for forgiveness, God puts us right back to where we were before we sinned. I have to be like that. And it may seem impossible, but I have to do it.

And you know, really, forgiveness is a gift from God. Like, when you forgive someone, not only does Jesus shine through you/not only do you embody Christ, but you also lose your bitterness. Like, I would have gone around ignoring them remaining hurt by their actions while they were off in their lovey-dovey world holding hands and making out and not caring about how I was feeling. So by doing what God's says, I'm really doing myself a favor. More to follow in next post.

From Cody to Me

Mar 13, 2009 4:59 PM

RE: Thank You

Hello,

Know that with out "rough" times we will never grow strong. The challenges of life are given to you to make you a stronger believer. The Lord will never give you what you cannot handle.

Embrace your challenges. Overcome them. Grow through them.

Cody P.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: † Nelly † (81255980)
To: Stellar Kart
Date: Mar 13, 2009 3:55 PM
Subject: Thank You

You guys are totally amazing. I'm going through such a rough time right now, and through your music you're reminding me of God's promises and of how much He loves me. It makes it easier to keep going. Keep on spreading the word and rockin' for Jesus!

† Nelly †

Excitement!

Five weeks ago yesterday, I fell out of a relationship with someone I called best friend. It's been really hard, and it's not helping that he's dating a girl whom I also called best friend. She was also his ex. Crazy high school drama that I tried to avoid! Everything just hurts. Anyway, not the point of this entry. I wanted to talk about what I'm feeling right now. It's crazy 'cause I was listening to the radio this morning and "our song" came on. Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse. Here are the lyrics for those who don't know it:

I'm desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind

There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

Absolutely awesome, sweet song. So I'd expect to feel bad and mope while listening to it (I didn't want to change the station. Totally torturous to do to myself right?) But you know what's crazy? I was grinning while I was listening to this song. Like, ear-to-ear smile. Even when I was recalling him singing it to me and how we had our first kiss after he sang it to me on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even a psycho smile. I was so surprised by how much I was smiling, especially since I'm still blown away by how things ended up between us. I think I was smiling so much 'cause I'm really excited for the guy that God is going to put in my life. SO EXCITED! I can't wait, but then I can. I don't want to go through heartbreak like this again. Jeremy (my ex) said so many sweet things. So many sweet things! And you know how girls love to hear sweet things! So when I balance what he said against what he did the result is me thinking 'How could you?! How could you do this to me?!' Geez, that is not a fun feeling. So I'm willing to wait. I didn't wait for God's approval and I didn't listen to my own reasoning. I let the feelings take over. Warning to all who read this: If your feelings ever take over, stop. Don't make any decisions. Go to a person of integrity to give you an objective viewpoint. And it is tough to go against what you want/feel, but sometimes what you want/feel is not what's best for you. Ditch all that Hollywood movie crap, IT DOESN'T WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. Trust me, I know. My romantic Hollywood-movie fantasy was shot down 'cause reality hit me. I'm telling you, going against what you feel for the moment is better than going through pain. Because when you're in the pain, all you feel is regret. 'I should've listened to my head and not my heart. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had just listened! ARGH!' Oh boy is that feeling not fun! Day after day I went to the chapel to cry and pour myself out to Jesus. And I felt all this pain after just a 32-day relationship. Actually, it was longer. We were friends for a year and a half, so when we broke up, our friendship was strained. And when he started dating DeShana (his ex) again, our friendship ended. So I was crying over our entire friendship. And there is absolutely no going back to how we were as friends. Now, imagine if we had been dating longer. I'd be an even worse wreck. Wow.

I'm learning soooo much from this experience. I was so gullible and naive before this. I trusted everything that my friends said; I held them to their word. And now I know that people lie. Also, Jeremy is a serial dater and I knew that, but I thought that because I knew him better than his other girls had, I was different. *sticks out her tongue, does a raspberry and points her thumb downward* How delusional was I? Another really important thing that I learned is that this experience does not define me. It does not determine my worth. Just because I fell into the stupid high school drama circle, it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid high school girl. I'm very intelligent and intellectual, but intelligence can only get you so far. You need that good old wisdom ;) I'm a smart girl who made a stupid mistake by thinking that she was an exception. I got a shock and God let me know straight up "You're human just like everyone else." Man, that was a fun month that I had with him. But it wasn't meant to be, and I was hurt in the end. But you know? I'm getting stronger and wiser from this. I'm benefiting from the pain :). And it hurts now, but it'll hurt less in 3 weeks. And even less in 3 months. And in 3 years, it won't hurt at all XD. I know I'll be healed when I can go a whole day without the jerk entering my head. Everyday for 5 weeks he's been in my head! You how annoying it is? The guy dominates my thoughts and I hate that he has that power! Especially since he is way over me. Ugh, the idiot. I wanna be over it already >.< God is so sparing me because it could be so much worse. So much worse. He's not giving me more than I can handle and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Thank you God, because I could be suffering so much worse. And He knows what I need and what's best for me. He gonna place the right guy right in front of me, I just have to be patient, obedient, and trusting of God's promises. It'll be the absolute perfect arranged marriage XD. Hmm, so exited am I. So excited am I...

~Nelly

Love of the Present, Love of the Future

Mr Fel. read this prayer out of our workbook on Thursday and I absolutely had to make a copy of it. God was totally speaking to me through these words:

Wait until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone.

I love you, my child. But until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another as you desire to be until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and belongings.

I want you to stop planning and stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists - one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

Just keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking at Me, or you will miss what I want to give you.

And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready ... until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me ... and this is perfect love.

You know, life is hard. Like, really hard. But it's not impossible. And I can keep going because God is always there and He loves me immensely. Love makes life a bit more bearable =]