God, I'm distraught.
My best friend is settling for the guy that I believe you have not set for her. She thinks that I'm overacting, but I just want her to be with someone who is worthy of her. A little while ago, I came to the full realization that my best friend has low self-esteem. It never really hit me. I mean, yeah she has her low days, but I never really thought of her as having low self-esteem. That's like, a forbidden word. And it hurts me a lot, 'cause she built me up so much. She's supposed to be the strong one. God, I think you're putting me through a trial as well. I can't do everything. No matter what I say, it's not helping. Maybe I said to much, maybe I was too harsh. Now she thinks that I'm disappointed in her. I'm not, I'm just...sad. I'm really sad for her. I would hate for her to regret her decision later in life (if they got married) and for her to wish that she had just waited on God. But man, waiting on You is worth it! God, show her! You will reward her for her faithfulness, teach her to be faithful. Speak to her God, really speak to her. I mean, maybe I am blowing things up. He's a Christian, but he's selfish and sarcastic, and that's cool and all, You're still working on him. But man, he's not for her! If she just trusts and waits You will give her the man of her dreams. Man God, I'm so hurt by the fact that she thinks she can't do better. She doesn't think she's all that pretty, that she doesn't fit the "male-attraction" quotient. Which is bull, 'cause she has a beautiful spirit and a gorgeous face. And she's got meat to her, but she's not obese, and so what if she was? She says that I'm like those American Idol families who tell their relatives that they can sing. I said, "I'm not lying to you." She says those people are not lying either, they truly believe that their relative can sing. That stung me; my point of view is subjective so it doesn't count. She's basing her beauty on male preference and that really pisses me off. And this sounds cliche, but beauty is really only skin deep:
The phrase refers to the outward beauty of a person. Of course, we must realise that a person can be beautiful on the inside. Such a person is often referred to as a 'lovely' person. However, when we refer to something beautiful we are usually referring to that something's outward appearance. What the phrase tries to emphasise is that the outward appearance of a person counts for nothing, but it is what lies beneath the skin, the actual person him/herself is what really matters. I believe the underlying message of this saying is completely true (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_'beauty_is_only_skin_deep'_mean).
My bf is beautiful just 'cause You made her and even more admirable because she chose to live her life serving You. God don't like ugly, so He didn't create it.
Ugh, God, I'm handing this over to You. I can do nothing. I'm leaving it all in Your hands. I know that you hear me.
Amen.
Showing posts with label best friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best friend. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Excitement!
Five weeks ago yesterday, I fell out of a relationship with someone I called best friend. It's been really hard, and it's not helping that he's dating a girl whom I also called best friend. She was also his ex. Crazy high school drama that I tried to avoid! Everything just hurts. Anyway, not the point of this entry. I wanted to talk about what I'm feeling right now. It's crazy 'cause I was listening to the radio this morning and "our song" came on. Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse. Here are the lyrics for those who don't know it:
I'm desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you
Absolutely awesome, sweet song. So I'd expect to feel bad and mope while listening to it (I didn't want to change the station. Totally torturous to do to myself right?) But you know what's crazy? I was grinning while I was listening to this song. Like, ear-to-ear smile. Even when I was recalling him singing it to me and how we had our first kiss after he sang it to me on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even a psycho smile. I was so surprised by how much I was smiling, especially since I'm still blown away by how things ended up between us. I think I was smiling so much 'cause I'm really excited for the guy that God is going to put in my life. SO EXCITED! I can't wait, but then I can. I don't want to go through heartbreak like this again. Jeremy (my ex) said so many sweet things. So many sweet things! And you know how girls love to hear sweet things! So when I balance what he said against what he did the result is me thinking 'How could you?! How could you do this to me?!' Geez, that is not a fun feeling. So I'm willing to wait. I didn't wait for God's approval and I didn't listen to my own reasoning. I let the feelings take over. Warning to all who read this: If your feelings ever take over, stop. Don't make any decisions. Go to a person of integrity to give you an objective viewpoint. And it is tough to go against what you want/feel, but sometimes what you want/feel is not what's best for you. Ditch all that Hollywood movie crap, IT DOESN'T WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. Trust me, I know. My romantic Hollywood-movie fantasy was shot down 'cause reality hit me. I'm telling you, going against what you feel for the moment is better than going through pain. Because when you're in the pain, all you feel is regret. 'I should've listened to my head and not my heart. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had just listened! ARGH!' Oh boy is that feeling not fun! Day after day I went to the chapel to cry and pour myself out to Jesus. And I felt all this pain after just a 32-day relationship. Actually, it was longer. We were friends for a year and a half, so when we broke up, our friendship was strained. And when he started dating DeShana (his ex) again, our friendship ended. So I was crying over our entire friendship. And there is absolutely no going back to how we were as friends. Now, imagine if we had been dating longer. I'd be an even worse wreck. Wow.
I'm learning soooo much from this experience. I was so gullible and naive before this. I trusted everything that my friends said; I held them to their word. And now I know that people lie. Also, Jeremy is a serial dater and I knew that, but I thought that because I knew him better than his other girls had, I was different. *sticks out her tongue, does a raspberry and points her thumb downward* How delusional was I? Another really important thing that I learned is that this experience does not define me. It does not determine my worth. Just because I fell into the stupid high school drama circle, it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid high school girl. I'm very intelligent and intellectual, but intelligence can only get you so far. You need that good old wisdom ;) I'm a smart girl who made a stupid mistake by thinking that she was an exception. I got a shock and God let me know straight up "You're human just like everyone else." Man, that was a fun month that I had with him. But it wasn't meant to be, and I was hurt in the end. But you know? I'm getting stronger and wiser from this. I'm benefiting from the pain :). And it hurts now, but it'll hurt less in 3 weeks. And even less in 3 months. And in 3 years, it won't hurt at all XD. I know I'll be healed when I can go a whole day without the jerk entering my head. Everyday for 5 weeks he's been in my head! You how annoying it is? The guy dominates my thoughts and I hate that he has that power! Especially since he is way over me. Ugh, the idiot. I wanna be over it already >.< God is so sparing me because it could be so much worse. So much worse. He's not giving me more than I can handle and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Thank you God, because I could be suffering so much worse. And He knows what I need and what's best for me. He gonna place the right guy right in front of me, I just have to be patient, obedient, and trusting of God's promises. It'll be the absolute perfect arranged marriage XD. Hmm, so exited am I. So excited am I...
~Nelly
I'm desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you
Absolutely awesome, sweet song. So I'd expect to feel bad and mope while listening to it (I didn't want to change the station. Totally torturous to do to myself right?) But you know what's crazy? I was grinning while I was listening to this song. Like, ear-to-ear smile. Even when I was recalling him singing it to me and how we had our first kiss after he sang it to me on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even a psycho smile. I was so surprised by how much I was smiling, especially since I'm still blown away by how things ended up between us. I think I was smiling so much 'cause I'm really excited for the guy that God is going to put in my life. SO EXCITED! I can't wait, but then I can. I don't want to go through heartbreak like this again. Jeremy (my ex) said so many sweet things. So many sweet things! And you know how girls love to hear sweet things! So when I balance what he said against what he did the result is me thinking 'How could you?! How could you do this to me?!' Geez, that is not a fun feeling. So I'm willing to wait. I didn't wait for God's approval and I didn't listen to my own reasoning. I let the feelings take over. Warning to all who read this: If your feelings ever take over, stop. Don't make any decisions. Go to a person of integrity to give you an objective viewpoint. And it is tough to go against what you want/feel, but sometimes what you want/feel is not what's best for you. Ditch all that Hollywood movie crap, IT DOESN'T WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. Trust me, I know. My romantic Hollywood-movie fantasy was shot down 'cause reality hit me. I'm telling you, going against what you feel for the moment is better than going through pain. Because when you're in the pain, all you feel is regret. 'I should've listened to my head and not my heart. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had just listened! ARGH!' Oh boy is that feeling not fun! Day after day I went to the chapel to cry and pour myself out to Jesus. And I felt all this pain after just a 32-day relationship. Actually, it was longer. We were friends for a year and a half, so when we broke up, our friendship was strained. And when he started dating DeShana (his ex) again, our friendship ended. So I was crying over our entire friendship. And there is absolutely no going back to how we were as friends. Now, imagine if we had been dating longer. I'd be an even worse wreck. Wow.
I'm learning soooo much from this experience. I was so gullible and naive before this. I trusted everything that my friends said; I held them to their word. And now I know that people lie. Also, Jeremy is a serial dater and I knew that, but I thought that because I knew him better than his other girls had, I was different. *sticks out her tongue, does a raspberry and points her thumb downward* How delusional was I? Another really important thing that I learned is that this experience does not define me. It does not determine my worth. Just because I fell into the stupid high school drama circle, it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid high school girl. I'm very intelligent and intellectual, but intelligence can only get you so far. You need that good old wisdom ;) I'm a smart girl who made a stupid mistake by thinking that she was an exception. I got a shock and God let me know straight up "You're human just like everyone else." Man, that was a fun month that I had with him. But it wasn't meant to be, and I was hurt in the end. But you know? I'm getting stronger and wiser from this. I'm benefiting from the pain :). And it hurts now, but it'll hurt less in 3 weeks. And even less in 3 months. And in 3 years, it won't hurt at all XD. I know I'll be healed when I can go a whole day without the jerk entering my head. Everyday for 5 weeks he's been in my head! You how annoying it is? The guy dominates my thoughts and I hate that he has that power! Especially since he is way over me. Ugh, the idiot. I wanna be over it already >.< God is so sparing me because it could be so much worse. So much worse. He's not giving me more than I can handle and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Thank you God, because I could be suffering so much worse. And He knows what I need and what's best for me. He gonna place the right guy right in front of me, I just have to be patient, obedient, and trusting of God's promises. It'll be the absolute perfect arranged marriage XD. Hmm, so exited am I. So excited am I...
~Nelly
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