b-o-r-e-d

Currently Listening to Stellar Kart's Newest Album "Everything is Different Now"

I am so bored. I got to Binghamton yesterday at around 2 pm and there was hardly anybody on my floor. It was really weird coming back to life at Bing. after being at home for 5 weeks. Stephen said that after the summer it's even weirder; I can imagine.

So because I am so bored, I decided to blog (lol, when all attempts to occupy self fail, you can always rely on YouTube and blogging. But blogging more so). Hmmmm, what's been on my mind lately? Oh, I am super bummed that Stephen is not at Bing this semester. Total downer. I've also been really contemplating how much I want to grow as a Christian this year. I want to be bolder and have greater discernment. I want to be more in tune with the Holy Spirit so that I'll be more sensitive to what He's saying to me or telling me to do. More sync, less confusion/questions about what God wants me to do. I also very much want to have a greater faith and trust in God. I hung out with Roschelle this past Wednesday and she said that if she can trust God with the destination of her soul and believes that He is the Great Everything, if God tells her to tell a man that God loves Him she should be able to trust God on that level as well. And that is so true. I sing all the time that I trust in You and this year I realized that I really don't. 'Cause if I did, there would not be so much hesitation to do the things You tell me to do Lord. Please increase my faith and make me ever sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Hallelujah.

Ugh, joy killed. I have to call Pastor, for my mother says so -____-
God, help me in this phone conversation with Pastor. Help me to be humble. Guide the words that come out of my mouth, 'cause I have no idea what I am going to say. And please help me not to harbor so much resentment against him. That is not Christ-like at all.

Oh sigh.
Jesus please help me.

So that is the important stuff running through my mind at the moment. Classes start Monday, and I am ready to kick butt! But until then, I shall... figure out things to do.

Toodles.

-Salmon Out

Matthew the Brat for a Brother -_-

Matthew annoys me. Like, really frustrates me. He is so angry! I don't think I was that bad. Was I that bad? He keeps things pent up. I mean, I do too, but I think I control it a tad bit better. Maybe it's 'cause he's a boy. What frustrates me the most is that 1) he gets angry at the smallest things. Like, blows up. And 2) he doesn't think he has to change. Really kid? Really? I mean, I have anger issues too, but I know I've got a problem. He's semi-aware but he doesn't care to do anything. Supposedly he's tried but it's too hard. So he gives up. And he sees the flaws in everybody else, so thinks it's okay to keep his flaws since we are imperfect. That's how he justifies his nastiness. And it's frustrating. He stores up all of these examples and stories to use against us when he's sees we're contradicting ourselves. Insignificant contradictions. It's petty. He retrieves these past events that nobody remembers. His grudges are ridiculous. Is he gonna be like this forever? Please God, NO. Help me deal God, and help me to not appear to be a hypocrite. Jesus, I need patience. Help me to keep my cool. AMEN.

Prom: Not what I want it to be.

God, please help me to accept it. I will not be getting the dress of my dreams.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGH!

Remember those dresses that Ashley gave you in EIGTH GRADE that she got for free at her church? Yeah. Mom wants me to wear one of them. It's nice, but I do not want to wear. I'd like to have options. "We can't afford it." I bet we can. It's PROM! It's not like it's an event that was sprung upon us! We've known about it since forever. "If it was the same dress in a store, you would have bought it." No I wouldn't have! Agh WOMAN! I am so upset because I was so excited and I still don't know what I'm doing after prom and I'm about to say SCREW EVERYTHING and go home and sleep and wallow in misery since we "can't afford" an after prom event anyway.

-________-

I realize that I am not being understanding. Which is why I need your help Lord. I am so disappointed. So disappointed. And prom is next week Thursday and the my vision of what it was supposed to be will not be lived up to. I had a dream last night that I went to this pre-prom event (I think it was a prom that did NOT look like a prom. Looked more like an "Everybody-wear-overalls" event -_-) and it was LAME then I went to prom and went home but prom was not the memorable part of the evening. Prom was a blur. It was the pre-prom event that was most dominant in my mind. And if dreams tell the future, that dream is saying that prom is gonna SUCK. But I am aware that my mentality is going to determine how great of a time I will have. So God, help me tp change my mentality >.<

Okay, the bright side. The dressis pretty. I don't want to wear it because I had no options to choose from and it is not at all what I had in mind, but the dress is pretty. Ummm.... Even though I still do not know what I am doing after prom, the prom itself will be a good time and though I will be a loser for going home (that would be so lame!), I can look forward to the many late at night events I will participate in as a college student. Okay, no, that will not help. Um.... I can feel cool going home, coming out of the limo. Hmmm... no, 'cause people will be like "So early? That was dumb quick!" Ummm... I know! I can sleep and sleep in 'cause there is no school the next day. And thers'll have more money in my pocket (more like Dad's pocket -_-) that I will not have to spend on an event that I have to scurry people around to attend (I HATE doing that! >.<). And I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get home since the limo will have been long gone... Yep. I'm going home after prom -_-. Ugh.

Late night ultimate frisbee anyone? I'd be so done for that! >.<

Yeah God. So please just help me to lower my expectations and be understanding and not resentful and not sarcastic. That last one is a hard one, but You can do it! To the point wear I will not even hurt on the inside, so there will be no need for me to be sarcastic. Help me to embrace it like I embrace the fact I am not going to prom with a date (from the beginning I wanted to go single!). So yeah Lord, help me. So that I may have a memorable and yet prom experience. Amen.

♥ Anniversary ♥

Today is a special day.

1) It's my one year anniversary of creating a Blogger account :D

But more importantly...

ME AND JESUS MAKE THREE YEARS TODAY!

It was three years ago on Good Friday that I went under the water and "married" Christ. I was 15. And God has brought me so far. I remember last year when I couldn't even praise His name. Like, I was sitting in the ACPC room with the CADETS and I couldn't say "Hallelujah." Like, the words physically would not come out of my mouth. Now, I go to Bronx Bethany and I shout out the words. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!! And I'm with people that worship Him in song and life and in words. And they are not afraid to profess their faith. God, help me to tell others about you!

I woke up coughing riduculously this morning (I left the window slightly open and my pink zip-up was zipped down (lol) halfway). So after spitting and coughing and spitting and coughing, I started talking to God. I actually started last night. I read Luke 22:39-46 in Joel Osteen's Hope For Today Bible. I did not intend to read the side note that Joel I assume wrote because I think he focuses too much on the happy-go-lucky, prosperous aspect of Christianity and not the hard-to-follow truths. But you know, Joel has some good things to say. Like, God through Joel helped me to break the addiction of sucking my fingers (that was HARD). And what Joel had to say brought tears to my eyes last night.

I've been "bleh" lately. And maybe part of the reason is because I have not had anything to distract me from myself. I haven't been busy. Things have been weighing me down. Well, not weighing, but hovering over me. The men in my family are not saved. The woman in my family don't trust God fully (not in action; ex. tithing and putting their future in His hands). I feel conflicted and confused and hypocritcal. I still have to go through high school. I have no idea what my future is going to be like. I just feel so empty and blah-zay. That last sentence is probably just 'cause I am bored.

But I do feel conflicted. Like, I feel like I'm two different people. And that happens naturally. I don't try to be two different people; it's effortless. You have the me that I am at home and the me that I am outside. Angry, happy. Impatient, tolerant. Intolerant, giddy and hyper. It bugs me. And I should have more love for my family, not my friends. But that's not the case.

So these conflicting characteristics upset me. If I had a few more negative experiences and some more intense ones, I'd probably have split personality disorder. That's not even a joke. So getting over this is going to be pretty hard. But here's what Joel said:

"There he told them, 'Pray that you will not give in to temptation'" (Luke 22:40).

When Jesus told His disciples to pray about temptation, He didn't say, "Pray that you'll never be tempted." No, we all face temptation. But God says, "When temptation comes, ask Me for help." In any area that you're trying to change, even small things, just simply pray, "God, I'm asking You to help me make the best choice. Help me stay on Your best plan."

Yes, resisting temptation takes effort. It takes discipline. But the benefits far outweigh the work. It's so much worse to live in bondage. It's hard feeling bad about yourself, living below your potential. There is nothing worse than going through the day weighed down by habits that used to be temptations but are now part of your life.

Today you may be struggling with addictions or with your temper or with being impatient. Truthfully, you may have given up the struggle. Now you are dragging around in mediocrity, allowing something so small to control you. Let me tell you what you already know---you are better than that. You're a child of the Most High God. You have His royal blood flowing through your veins. Don't you dare just sit back and settle where you are. There is not an obstacle in your life that you cannot overcome, large or small. It doesn't matter if it's a critical spirit or if you're addicted to cocaine, the Power that's in you is greater than the power that's trying to hold you back. Dig your heels in and fight the good fight of faith. Don't let that thing master you. Keep the attitude, "That's it. I'm not staying where I am. I'm coming up higher. I know I'm better than this. God has a much better life for me to live."

I believe that God was definitely speaking to me through Joel. God's going to help me get through. And I know He will, because He's done it before. I couldn't praise Him last year; I can praise Him now. Last year, I had low self-esteem. A year later, thanks to Him, it's higher. I know that I deserve better. I don't know when the God in me will overcome the negative power holding me back. But I know it will happen. It will happen.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you so much. And I pray that I will not stop praising You and glorifying Your name and giving You thanks and living a life that honors YOU. May We keep on going for another three years and I pray that three years from now, this issue will be behind me, desposited in the Well of Experience and that the lessons I learn will be deposited in the Well of Wisdom. Help me to pray for Your help when I am tempted Lord so that I do not give in to sin. And help me to respect those who You have put in place to shepherd Your people.

Amen.

Astrology

Janell Salmon Werid dreams. 1. Mr. Philp, crippled beyond belief. 2. Dreamt Crazy For You again. We were gonna re-enact the musical numbers in my church (-_____-'''''). 3. Ms. Basler and Mrs. Santiago-Borges were teachers together and they taught biology. We were sticking small frogs in test tubes. Do dreams reflect the sanity of a person??
About 12:45 pm

Aliya Brown
you can check the things you remember on myjellybean.com. under astrology, use the dream dictionary :) i always do lol
About 1 pm

Janell Salmon
lol, thanks for the tip girlie.
About 2 pm

Roschelle McKenzie
Um Janell, do not go looking up any astrology my dear.... that is not the answer... please don't even go there. Thank you; love you!
Soon after

Didn't think that very kind of Roschelle to say. I deleted the comment as soon I saw it. I did click on the website out of curiosity. The page wouldn't come up anyway. But seriously? Me and astrology? I think it is foolish. That a man looks at the stars and predicts the future. All people born between two different dates can't possibly have the same characteristics. Culture, experience, upbringing, personal choice---these things characterize a person. For me, Aries is a cool thing to rep. And I can see why horoscopes attract and draw people in. But when you live by it and swear by it and look to the stars instead of to God, there is a problem. This is what I wrote to Roschelle:

I do not believe in astrology and I am quite aware that it is wrong. I just said that to be nice.

Toodles.

~Edit~

Roschelle Salmon-Mckenzie April 6 at 2:24pm
LOL!!! Oh thank Jesus! You know I love you, girl!

Janell Salmon April 6 at 2:36pm
lol. You seem relieved.

Roschelle Salmon-Mckenzie April 6 at 3:45pm
lol! Its just that the WORLD packages witchcraft so attractively and our youth are being decieved. ex. Harry Potter, Daily Horoscopes, Twilight. etc... My discernment is extremely high when it comes to certain things, and I just wanted to make sure that you are okay. That's all.......I know; that was a mouthful! :-)

Janell Salmon April 6 at 4:13pm
lol, I gotcha



-__-

Beauty and Selfworth

God, I'm distraught.
My best friend is settling for the guy that I believe you have not set for her. She thinks that I'm overacting, but I just want her to be with someone who is worthy of her. A little while ago, I came to the full realization that my best friend has low self-esteem. It never really hit me. I mean, yeah she has her low days, but I never really thought of her as having low self-esteem. That's like, a forbidden word. And it hurts me a lot, 'cause she built me up so much. She's supposed to be the strong one. God, I think you're putting me through a trial as well. I can't do everything. No matter what I say, it's not helping. Maybe I said to much, maybe I was too harsh. Now she thinks that I'm disappointed in her. I'm not, I'm just...sad. I'm really sad for her. I would hate for her to regret her decision later in life (if they got married) and for her to wish that she had just waited on God. But man, waiting on You is worth it! God, show her! You will reward her for her faithfulness, teach her to be faithful. Speak to her God, really speak to her. I mean, maybe I am blowing things up. He's a Christian, but he's selfish and sarcastic, and that's cool and all, You're still working on him. But man, he's not for her! If she just trusts and waits You will give her the man of her dreams. Man God, I'm so hurt by the fact that she thinks she can't do better. She doesn't think she's all that pretty, that she doesn't fit the "male-attraction" quotient. Which is bull, 'cause she has a beautiful spirit and a gorgeous face. And she's got meat to her, but she's not obese, and so what if she was? She says that I'm like those American Idol families who tell their relatives that they can sing. I said, "I'm not lying to you." She says those people are not lying either, they truly believe that their relative can sing. That stung me; my point of view is subjective so it doesn't count. She's basing her beauty on male preference and that really pisses me off. And this sounds cliche, but beauty is really only skin deep:

The phrase refers to the outward beauty of a person. Of course, we must realise that a person can be beautiful on the inside. Such a person is often referred to as a 'lovely' person. However, when we refer to something beautiful we are usually referring to that something's outward appearance. What the phrase tries to emphasise is that the outward appearance of a person counts for nothing, but it is what lies beneath the skin, the actual person him/herself is what really matters. I believe the underlying message of this saying is completely true (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_'beauty_is_only_skin_deep'_mean).

My bf is beautiful just 'cause You made her and even more admirable because she chose to live her life serving You. God don't like ugly, so He didn't create it.

Ugh, God, I'm handing this over to You. I can do nothing. I'm leaving it all in Your hands. I know that you hear me.

Amen.