♥ Anniversary ♥

Today is a special day.

1) It's my one year anniversary of creating a Blogger account :D

But more importantly...

ME AND JESUS MAKE THREE YEARS TODAY!

It was three years ago on Good Friday that I went under the water and "married" Christ. I was 15. And God has brought me so far. I remember last year when I couldn't even praise His name. Like, I was sitting in the ACPC room with the CADETS and I couldn't say "Hallelujah." Like, the words physically would not come out of my mouth. Now, I go to Bronx Bethany and I shout out the words. HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!! And I'm with people that worship Him in song and life and in words. And they are not afraid to profess their faith. God, help me to tell others about you!

I woke up coughing riduculously this morning (I left the window slightly open and my pink zip-up was zipped down (lol) halfway). So after spitting and coughing and spitting and coughing, I started talking to God. I actually started last night. I read Luke 22:39-46 in Joel Osteen's Hope For Today Bible. I did not intend to read the side note that Joel I assume wrote because I think he focuses too much on the happy-go-lucky, prosperous aspect of Christianity and not the hard-to-follow truths. But you know, Joel has some good things to say. Like, God through Joel helped me to break the addiction of sucking my fingers (that was HARD). And what Joel had to say brought tears to my eyes last night.

I've been "bleh" lately. And maybe part of the reason is because I have not had anything to distract me from myself. I haven't been busy. Things have been weighing me down. Well, not weighing, but hovering over me. The men in my family are not saved. The woman in my family don't trust God fully (not in action; ex. tithing and putting their future in His hands). I feel conflicted and confused and hypocritcal. I still have to go through high school. I have no idea what my future is going to be like. I just feel so empty and blah-zay. That last sentence is probably just 'cause I am bored.

But I do feel conflicted. Like, I feel like I'm two different people. And that happens naturally. I don't try to be two different people; it's effortless. You have the me that I am at home and the me that I am outside. Angry, happy. Impatient, tolerant. Intolerant, giddy and hyper. It bugs me. And I should have more love for my family, not my friends. But that's not the case.

So these conflicting characteristics upset me. If I had a few more negative experiences and some more intense ones, I'd probably have split personality disorder. That's not even a joke. So getting over this is going to be pretty hard. But here's what Joel said:

"There he told them, 'Pray that you will not give in to temptation'" (Luke 22:40).

When Jesus told His disciples to pray about temptation, He didn't say, "Pray that you'll never be tempted." No, we all face temptation. But God says, "When temptation comes, ask Me for help." In any area that you're trying to change, even small things, just simply pray, "God, I'm asking You to help me make the best choice. Help me stay on Your best plan."

Yes, resisting temptation takes effort. It takes discipline. But the benefits far outweigh the work. It's so much worse to live in bondage. It's hard feeling bad about yourself, living below your potential. There is nothing worse than going through the day weighed down by habits that used to be temptations but are now part of your life.

Today you may be struggling with addictions or with your temper or with being impatient. Truthfully, you may have given up the struggle. Now you are dragging around in mediocrity, allowing something so small to control you. Let me tell you what you already know---you are better than that. You're a child of the Most High God. You have His royal blood flowing through your veins. Don't you dare just sit back and settle where you are. There is not an obstacle in your life that you cannot overcome, large or small. It doesn't matter if it's a critical spirit or if you're addicted to cocaine, the Power that's in you is greater than the power that's trying to hold you back. Dig your heels in and fight the good fight of faith. Don't let that thing master you. Keep the attitude, "That's it. I'm not staying where I am. I'm coming up higher. I know I'm better than this. God has a much better life for me to live."

I believe that God was definitely speaking to me through Joel. God's going to help me get through. And I know He will, because He's done it before. I couldn't praise Him last year; I can praise Him now. Last year, I had low self-esteem. A year later, thanks to Him, it's higher. I know that I deserve better. I don't know when the God in me will overcome the negative power holding me back. But I know it will happen. It will happen.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you so much. And I pray that I will not stop praising You and glorifying Your name and giving You thanks and living a life that honors YOU. May We keep on going for another three years and I pray that three years from now, this issue will be behind me, desposited in the Well of Experience and that the lessons I learn will be deposited in the Well of Wisdom. Help me to pray for Your help when I am tempted Lord so that I do not give in to sin. And help me to respect those who You have put in place to shepherd Your people.

Amen.