Old Addiction + Strong God = Deliverance

So today I went to the library to get on the computer and deal with scholarship stuff but for some reason, the system would not allow me to sign up. Sometimes, when I go to the library to complete a task and either I finish it quickly or am unable to complete it, I walk over to the manga section and pretend like I am actually looking for something. Like I came to the library for a purpose, not just to see if people are there. And after looking like I have a purpose for a long enough time, I walk away.

But I didn't this time.

Instead, I picked up Nana Vol. 11 (which took forever to get to the library. The collection went from10 to 12 -_-;) and started reading it. I was at the library from 3 until 7:30. I read 3 volumes. 3. No breaks in between.

I left the library and I realized that I'd wasted my time. I spent 4 and a half hours--OHMYGOSH, FOUR AND A HALF HOURS?! Reading MANGAS! And the content was not even edifying. The things in those particular pages were not of God and were not what I should be feeding my mind with. And the plot took a lame direction anyway. You know, I used to think that life outside my manga-anime realm would be so dull and lame. But I started living once I gave it up. I am so glad I'm blogging about this x).

So here's how things used to be.

I wanna say it began when I was around 7. I rediscovered my passion for Sailor Moon and started hanging pictures and idolizing the characters. Then I got really into DBZ again and idolized the characters of other animes like Digimon and Pokemon. I collected pictures I printed out from the library and hung some up on walls. I still have some somewhere. My passion slowed down a little bit in '03/'04, but it was revived when I took a trip down to Florida and met a cousin who was gung-hoe about anime. During that visit I saw Spirited Away and all three Sailor Moon movies. And since then, it's been on fire until around 2008. Even into 2009. I never thought I'd stop being an anime fan. It was my refuge. It is so easy to get lost in an manga.

And the Japanese anime entered my head too. Different scenarios played in my head and I would waste my hours dreaming up alternate scenes to the ones I saw on TV. It was my escape, my outlet. And in a very real way, my god.

I knew something was wrong. I couldn't deny it anymore, no matter how I tried. I tried to suppress my conscience and my gut which were telling me that these things were my idols and that was not right. Only God knows how I got to the place where I am now in terms of my Christian walk with Him. I was so bound and so far from Christ. Like, I believed in Him but I was not willing to give up my lifestyle. At some point, I wanted to change my habit but I felt this was my only getaway, my only outlet. After awhile, I was fantasizing whenever I had free time. It was a distraction that consumed my life.

And then there was a new distraction: Jeremy.

And he consumed my thoughts. And when I went through that painful experience March of 2009, anime couldn't save me. Thoughts of Sesshomaru, Kouga, Ichigo could deliver me. I couldn't bury myself in a manga and be okay. Because when I'd finish that volume, I'd be hit by reality again. God brought me through, God was with me 24/7, God was real. Not a figment of my imagination. I did not even attempt to retreat to my fantasy realm when I was hurt by Jeremy. I'm glad that I knew to run straight to the Father.

So after reading the mangas, I thought "Why am I doing this?" My brother was locked out of the apartment from 3 pm to 7:15 because I was in manga world. I realized what a waste of time it is for me and how much it crowds and clutters my mind. In and of themselves, mangas and anime are not bad. It could be a very positive outlet for some people. But for me, anime is an addictive drug which cannot be handled in moderation.

So what should you take from my story? Anything outside of God is LAME. That's not even the word. It's damaging to the human spirit. And no matter what you are bound by, God can bring you through it. Even if you think that there is nothing better than where you are at now, God will open your eyes. Even if you think that life sucks and will never improve, God will show you how dead wrong you are. I walked out of that library thankful that I delight in Christ and thankful that I am in Him and that I left that life behind. I am so glad I know God!

And you can know Him too.

Take heart! Where there is God, there is hope for a brighter, meaningful, joyful, loving LIFE.

With much love,
Janell