Locker Post-It Ministry Part 2

So! Update on the Locker Post-It Ministry.

So EVERYBODY thinks I'm the person who put the post-its up. Like, everybody. And I'm a good actor. I walked in surprised to see the post-its this morning and Stephanie Cerrone who was standing by my locker said "Oh Janell, I thought it was you but I guess not." Then this girl named Lee-Ann (don't know if that's not how you spell it) is literally telling me I did it. She wouldn't here that it was anyone else but me. She was like "How come I didn't get two on my locker, some people got two." And Steph. like how it wasn't me 'cause I just walked in, Lee-Ann said I could have come at like 6:00 in the morning. And they were just going back and forth speculating about how I could have done it. Even though I definitely denied it.

And that was just the beginning. To recount what everyone said to me would be a super long journal entry, but I'm going to do it anyway because I know I am going to thoroughly appreciate it later. So!:

Jessica D. asked me in the library if it was me. I said no. Then I expressed that I have post-its like them but it that wasn't me. That answer satified her.

Bello came into the library later and asked if I was behind the post-its. I said, "No, why does everybody keep thinking that?" Frank was around and he said "It sounds very you." lol!

Melissa M. asked me in Spanish. Again, I denied it. Then later on, Michelle B. asked and Mac was like, "Yeah I just asked her" and there was another tangent in Spanish class (Paolo calculated a total of 12 and 1/2. Don't know where he got the 1/2 from). Anisha told Brittany Frederick I'd said I did it. Brittany didn't think so. Anisha asked me and I denied it once again. Mac asked me later on if I knew who did it and I said I didn't.

Next time the post-its were brought up was two periods later (5th period). So we had a brief assembly with Ms. Faulkner in the auditorium about how people are being nasty in the bathroom. Made a point of how first of all, eating in the bathroom is nasty. But the assembly was about people being leaving their trash behind in the bathroom. Paper towels, chip bags in the sink. Yada. Aaaaanyway, as I'm leaving the auditorium, Molina asks me if it was me who did the post-its. Shannon and I believe Steph. Cerrone piggy back her. I deny it and what do they say? "Yes you did!" Then I'm parting from them 'cause my destination is the Vanguard room and theirs is the cafeteria and Sandra, Christina Ellison, Rebecca Brewington and I think (not too sure) Chenel Bennett ask if it was me. I deny it and they tell me that I did it. I gave up and was like "Alright then it was me. It's not a bad thing to be accused of, so I'm just gonna take it." lol, amazing!

As I'm walking to gym later on, I see Danny C. and Amy Spata (I believe they were the only two, there might have been others) wearing the post-its. Wearing them! I mean, I had meant for the post-its to be for the individual whose locker it was on, but hey, who knows what everyone got out of them? I hope they meant something for at least some. Ooo, I forgot to mention. Earlier, the same period I was in the library, I went to my locker to get A Streetcar Named Desire for English class. I saw Adrian Camino reading the post-its. He commented, not knowing I am the person behind the post-its, "How come they get post-its? I want one on my locker." I was flattered. It's cool. I just hope that people don't take things out of hand. Like, with the sticking post-its to bodies and switching post-its on different lockers (the one that was on my locker was not the one I put there. I put the messed up post-it on mine; somebody had it on there's. But the message is what important right?). In and of themselves, there's nothing wrong with those actions, but if somebody wants to keep there post-it, I don't want somebody else infringing upon that right. The message being spread in too important. So God, please be in this ministry, this evangelism. May those who need to hear hear the right words from YOU, not me Lord. Do YOUR work in me. And help me God, I cannot do this on my own. But I am willing. If it is Your will, please send physical help so that the task is less humongous. I want every single person in the building to hear about You Lord. Make it so God, make it so. Amen.

I'm passing Chanay on the way to gym class and she's like "Did you do the post-its? It's okay, you can tell me." I deny it once more. Bello sees me later on and is like "Are you owning up to your evangelism yet?"

My response?

"Oh my gosh, it wasn't me!"

Jasmine was quite funny. She hugs me and is like "I love what you did." I'm like "What?" (I knew full well what she was talking about. How could I not with everyone coming up to me?) She goes, "The post-its." I'm like "It wasn't me."

Jasmine: *gasp* It wasn't you?

Me: No.

Jasmine: Oh my gosh, there's someone else like you in this school? It wasn't you?

Me: It wasn't me.

*big grin*

Jasmine: You're lying.

Me: No I'm not, I'll see you later!

I went to Mr. Fel today to ask him about me denying it. Well, before I get into that, let me tell you why all this denying is going on.

1) Things are cooler when they are mysterious and things are mysterious when people are anonymous.

2) I already like attention. I don't need more direct attention. I'm getting it anyway though -_-'

a. God needs to get the glory, not me.

b. God honors those who do things in secret; not to be heard or seen or recognized

3) I feel that it means more when it comes from a person you do not know. The though is Wow, this person took the time out to do this and he or she doesn't even know me. The message just means more I think.

So those are my reasonings. And I told Fel. He likes the whole post-it idea. He was saying to be undercover for a few days, but when he realized that people were coming to me asking me if I had been the one to do the post-its it said I might as well just accept it. I mean, I felt bad telling all those people it wasn't be. I just kept thinking about how God doesn't like lies. I dunno, we'll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe I won't feel so guilty x) He wants me to update him on what goes on. So we'll see what happens x)

Whoooh! Done! xD Hopefully more will follow tomorrow =D. We shall see :)

Thank you Jesus for blessing me with this ministry! I LOVE YOU!!! <3

~Janell <3

Locker Post-It Ministry

Sup. Tired but I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible.

So, I've been meaning to do this for a while but today I just did it. I took sticky notes and put encouraging, godly messages on them and stuck them on the lockers (44) in senior hallway. It sounds simple and straightforward and like an easy way to evangelize. But it is not so easy. Some of the feelings I'm feeling right now is anxiety, fear of rejection. I don't know how the students, the seniors no less, will receive the messages on those post-its. And I hope that people don't take down each other's post-its and vandalize them and ruin a good thing. But God, help me to not focus on that. Help me to focus on planting the seed, not the reaction of the people. Encourage my heart Lord and send help; I want every single person in the building to get some sort of message. That is a task, that is ambitious. But nothing is impossible for You. I repeat: Nothing. So help me to take heart that I am serving a greater purpose and am doing Your will. You didn't outright tell me to do this God, but did You have to? I feel that You are saying "Go ahead, do this ministry, but it is not as easy as it seems. You will have to be committed." But God, You are not just leaving things up to me either. You are with me always. Encourage me through the same messages I tell my classmates Lord! And speak through me. Just speak and write Holy Spirit. Your will be done.

So, hopefully I'll get the chance to blog about people's reactions to the post-its. Lord help me.

Amen.

17 No More

My last few hours as a seventeen-year-old. It's been pretty wild. 17 is the age when I discovered Bronx Bethany. The age when I was part of the cast of Crazy For You. The age when I went on Emmaus. The age when I went on my first March For Life. My first college course. The age where I learned how to praise God. The age when I fell in love with my dream college on the college tour. The age when I applied to that dream college. The age where I was rejected by that dream college. Ah boy. The age when me and Antwi got together with friends to have this awesome bowling party at New Roc. The age where I forgave my betrayers. The age where Luis and I threw a Haiti Benefit. The age when I discovered I want to be a missionary. Age when I met Sandino. Age when I started planning my wedding. Age when I got a cell phone that lasted two months (March and April baby! xD). Age when I got hooked on the Seeker (that show is freaking AMAZING!!! *heart* *heart* *heart*). Age when I insulted Nicky to the point where she moved out. Age when my Afro got super cool. Year when I became known as the Jesus girl. Age when I fell even more in love with Jesus. Age when I became the President of the Gospel Choir, Treasurer of the Student Government, and Secretary of the Band. Age when I read on the announcements at school for the first time. Age when I did Drama Monologue for the first time. I believe even the age when I got my eyebrows threaded for the first time (NEVER AGAIN!). Age when I met Dylan. Age when I got to know Papa P and see how cool he is. Age (part of 16 too) when I made the Chapel my own. Age when I led the singing that one time at the Emmaus mass not many people showed up to. Age when I had/have this crush on this guy who is SO unavailable and SO not right (see a few entries down about that guy who is "permanently off the market" xD). Age when I discovered Gospel For Asia and K.P. Yohannan's powerful story. The age when I tried out for Gospel For Teens. Age when I got into Binghamton. Age when I decided to attempt to wish everyone on Facebook a happy birthday whenever it'd come around. Age when I got a Blogger =D Age when me and Jesus made 2 years. Age when I tried out for the Talent Show and made it. Age when God showed me that I have to desire Him and Him alone. Age when He showed me that a boyfriend is not what I need right now. Age when I saw that there is no one attainable around anyway who is spiritually on my level. Age when I decided "I'm going to do this every year; list the memorable things that happened that year xD. Age when I found Jorden Bac on Facebook after looking at old Xanga blogs. Age when the Band Homeroom was established. Age, perhaps, when I entered the Cardinal Spellman Room (or maybe that was 16?).

Gosh, so much happened in a year! And this year was amazing; I had so many opportunities to do so many things. And the list can go on forever. I feel like it's already really long xD.Ah wow. God, may 18 be just as memorable. The best hasn't even come yet! Ooowee, I wonder what next year's list will be like? It's definitely gonna be long. Aigh, thanks Jesus. Thank You so much. For EVERYthing. ESPECIALLY for dying for me. But that's another story.

Goodbye 17. Hello legality xD

Excitement!

Five weeks ago yesterday, I fell out of a relationship with someone I called best friend. It's been really hard, and it's not helping that he's dating a girl whom I also called best friend. She was also his ex. Crazy high school drama that I tried to avoid! Everything just hurts. Anyway, not the point of this entry. I wanted to talk about what I'm feeling right now. It's crazy 'cause I was listening to the radio this morning and "our song" came on. Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse. Here are the lyrics for those who don't know it:

I'm desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind

There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

Absolutely awesome, sweet song. So I'd expect to feel bad and mope while listening to it (I didn't want to change the station. Totally torturous to do to myself right?) But you know what's crazy? I was grinning while I was listening to this song. Like, ear-to-ear smile. Even when I was recalling him singing it to me and how we had our first kiss after he sang it to me on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even a psycho smile. I was so surprised by how much I was smiling, especially since I'm still blown away by how things ended up between us. I think I was smiling so much 'cause I'm really excited for the guy that God is going to put in my life. SO EXCITED! I can't wait, but then I can. I don't want to go through heartbreak like this again. Jeremy (my ex) said so many sweet things. So many sweet things! And you know how girls love to hear sweet things! So when I balance what he said against what he did the result is me thinking 'How could you?! How could you do this to me?!' Geez, that is not a fun feeling. So I'm willing to wait. I didn't wait for God's approval and I didn't listen to my own reasoning. I let the feelings take over. Warning to all who read this: If your feelings ever take over, stop. Don't make any decisions. Go to a person of integrity to give you an objective viewpoint. And it is tough to go against what you want/feel, but sometimes what you want/feel is not what's best for you. Ditch all that Hollywood movie crap, IT DOESN'T WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. Trust me, I know. My romantic Hollywood-movie fantasy was shot down 'cause reality hit me. I'm telling you, going against what you feel for the moment is better than going through pain. Because when you're in the pain, all you feel is regret. 'I should've listened to my head and not my heart. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had just listened! ARGH!' Oh boy is that feeling not fun! Day after day I went to the chapel to cry and pour myself out to Jesus. And I felt all this pain after just a 32-day relationship. Actually, it was longer. We were friends for a year and a half, so when we broke up, our friendship was strained. And when he started dating DeShana (his ex) again, our friendship ended. So I was crying over our entire friendship. And there is absolutely no going back to how we were as friends. Now, imagine if we had been dating longer. I'd be an even worse wreck. Wow.

I'm learning soooo much from this experience. I was so gullible and naive before this. I trusted everything that my friends said; I held them to their word. And now I know that people lie. Also, Jeremy is a serial dater and I knew that, but I thought that because I knew him better than his other girls had, I was different. *sticks out her tongue, does a raspberry and points her thumb downward* How delusional was I? Another really important thing that I learned is that this experience does not define me. It does not determine my worth. Just because I fell into the stupid high school drama circle, it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid high school girl. I'm very intelligent and intellectual, but intelligence can only get you so far. You need that good old wisdom ;) I'm a smart girl who made a stupid mistake by thinking that she was an exception. I got a shock and God let me know straight up "You're human just like everyone else." Man, that was a fun month that I had with him. But it wasn't meant to be, and I was hurt in the end. But you know? I'm getting stronger and wiser from this. I'm benefiting from the pain :). And it hurts now, but it'll hurt less in 3 weeks. And even less in 3 months. And in 3 years, it won't hurt at all XD. I know I'll be healed when I can go a whole day without the jerk entering my head. Everyday for 5 weeks he's been in my head! You how annoying it is? The guy dominates my thoughts and I hate that he has that power! Especially since he is way over me. Ugh, the idiot. I wanna be over it already >.< God is so sparing me because it could be so much worse. So much worse. He's not giving me more than I can handle and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Thank you God, because I could be suffering so much worse. And He knows what I need and what's best for me. He gonna place the right guy right in front of me, I just have to be patient, obedient, and trusting of God's promises. It'll be the absolute perfect arranged marriage XD. Hmm, so exited am I. So excited am I...

~Nelly