Patient, Persistent PRAYER

So God has been showing me the importance of prayer lately. Lately as in the beginning of this past semester and again this past week. Pastor Richie said Saturday-gone at Misfit Service that "Patient and persistent prayer is not foolishness." And this week God gave me a lot to pray for. 1) There is this whole crush thing that is KILLING me, UGH! 2) I NEED guidance and strength and boldness to go on with the New Student Outreach stuff at InterVarsity. I need help in evangelizing! 2) I met with Krystal today to catch up about stuff and I need to lift her in prayer 3) Leon asked me today to lift him up in prayer before the Lord in regards to school and carrying on in another semester 4) I need to lift up Renée in prayer and she deals with a relationship 5) I need to pray for Brittany and for God to bless her with strength to go through school. Also for God to bless her with a better understanding of Him. 6) For Grace Baptist Chapel, especially the youth. 7) That my family will become followers of Christ/will delve deeper into Him. 8) For Nico and her mother and family in the death of her father. Oh Lord. 9) For DeShana and others in their college app. process. 10) For the brother of a Christian who recently gave his life to Christ at Hillsong NYC.

Whew. Lots of praying to do!

And the more I pray and fast, the greater my testimony. (Hmmmm, I wonder if that is a doctrinally sound statement...)

God, I'm believing for a breakthrough in each of these areas (most. def the first one -_-). Do great and marvelous things in the lives of my brothers and sisters and help me to be patient and persistent in my requests to You Lord Jesus. And Lord, help me to look forward to the joy that will be in my heart when you answer the prayers of your child. Give me a patient heart Lord!

Amen.

-Salmon Out

IM with beloved Darren

Yesterday
10:44pm Janell
:P

10:44pm Darren
was rong?

10:45pm Janell
Nooothin : )

Ques:

10:45pm Darren
o

10:45pm Janell
Is this J or D?

Nvm, this is D

10:45pm Darren
yea lol my name is d

10:46pm Janell
Really?

i thoughtit was Darren 0_)

10:46pm Darren
no its darren

im just playing seeing as thou ur calling me d

10:48pm Janell
You know it's weird, as long as your name begins with D, I will call you D xD

10:48pm Darren
lol ok jan wassup?

10:50pm Janell
Nothin' much man, I'm just chillin

10:50pm Darren
o o great question hmmm

10:50pm Janell
LOL!

10:51pm Darren
yea well i could tell u now

10:52pm Darren
i have not yet have a crush on one of j's gfs its hard to when most of them praise him and stuff

10:54pm Janell
I see. That praise is in vain though, 'cause 2 secs later, another girl is i place of the last one

10:55pm Darren
wait what do u mean?

10:57pm Janell
He doesn't know that when you say you love somebody, it means also means "I'm committed to you."

He has no sense of committment at all.

10:59pm Darren
mmh

well i wouldnt say that

did u talk 2 j?

11:02pm Janell
No, I really want to though.

11:08pm Darren
o ok well what do u think about the deshana situation?

11:08pm Janell
Can we swirch this over to aim?

11:08pm Darren
r u on?

11:09pm Janell
Yes sir

blaze25629 (11:09:22 PM): so ur answer

Hinote Alchemist (11:09:36 PM): Okay, the DeShana situation I don't even know much about

Hinote Alchemist (11:09:36 PM): Okay, the DeShana situation I don't even know much
about

Hinote Alchemist (11:09:43 PM): only bits and pieces

Hinote Alchemist (11:09:55 PM): but from what I heard, J is in the wrong

Hinote Alchemist (11:10:02 PM): But I don't know his side of the story

blaze25629 (11:11:02 PM): well mabe u should talk 2 j

Hinote Alchemist (11:12:38 PM): I plan to, we just need to set a time

Hinote Alchemist (11:12:57 PM): I was gonna go to him 2morrow and ask him if he wants to do movies on Sat.

blaze25629 (11:13:36 PM): but?

Hinote Alchemist (11:14:00 PM): Oh, nothing, I'm still doing it. You guys got plans for this Sat.?

blaze25629 (11:15:31 PM): well he told me that he was going 2 flc

Hinote Alchemist (11:16:12 PM): That's Sat?

blaze25629 (11:16:25 PM): yea the 24th

Hinote Alchemist (11:16:41 PM): I'll ask anyway.

Hinote Alchemist (11:16:52 PM): I'm just upset 'cause I feel that J makes the same mistakes over again and they are SO obvious to me, but he doesn't see them.

Hinote Alchemist (11:17:03 PM): I'm just hoping really hard that when I talk to him, I find out that everything he's done was unintentional and that he was trying to hurt anybody.

Hinote Alchemist (11:17:18 PM): That he was completely oblivious and didn't know what he was doing.

blaze25629 (11:19:48 PM): well the only way u will no is if u talk 2 him

Hinote Alchemist (11:21:38 PM): I know. I have no objection. I am rearing to go. I just need to have a block of time, 'cause the conversation won't be short.

Hinote Alchemist (11:21:48 PM): Favor

blaze25629 (11:22:05 PM): 'yes

Hinote Alchemist (11:26:31 PM): Last time I wanted to talk to him, I didn't because he didn't cooperate. Like, I'd be like "Let's talk" and he'd say "Okay" and then when the time came, he'd leave and not tell and completely avoid me.

Hinote Alchemist (11:27:06 PM): So, in order for it to work this time, maybe you could encourage to talk to me. He needs to hear what I have to say.

blaze25629 (11:33:10 PM): sure

Hinote Alchemist (11:37:20 PM): Gracias.

Hinote Alchemist (11:39:10 PM): Gragh, how do you deal with J. Like, does he eveer annoy you?

blaze25629 (11:42:09 PM): well yea sometimes but its iight kuz i no he has my back

Hinote Alchemist (11:45:54 PM): Cool. Glad he cares about somebody x)

blaze25629 (11:46:17 PM): yea so what do u think of him?

Hinote Alchemist (11:49:09 PM): Umph! That's a tough one

Hinote Alchemist (11:49:12 PM): Give me a sec.

Hinote Alchemist (11:53:01 PM): I have mixed feelings. Like, I used to think he was truly awesome and a rarity, that you couldn't find many guys like him 'cause he cared about people. But then his actions contradicted that thought and I just though he was a jerk. But now, I just think he's confused. Like, he means to do well but he doesn't. I think part of the reason is 'cause he's selfish too.

Hinote Alchemist (11:54:24 PM): All in all though, I don't think he is a terrible person. He just doesn't know what he's doing. And I insult him sometimes and cut and make side comments, but truthfully I love that guy to death. He's a jerk, but I love him to death.

Hinote Alchemist (11:55:00 PM): I don't know why I care so much and it annoys the HELL out of me but I do. Oh well -_-

blaze25629 (11:56:12 PM): janell mabe u should ease ur horses before u make a judgement

blaze25629 (11:57:16 PM): remember u cant answer a question if halve of it is undone

Hinote Alchemist (11:59:59 PM): Yeah well I'm going based on observation and experience and things he's told me. I mean, I'm not saying he does things purposefully, I actually think he doesn't. There's a reason for what he does, for everything he does.

Hinote Alchemist (12:00:12 AM): Like the whole have a ton a girlfriends thing

blaze25629 (12:00:22 AM): wait janell question

Hinote Alchemist (12:00:37 AM): Yeah?

blaze25629 (12:01:00 AM): take out the whole deshana situation what do u think of him?

Hinote Alchemist (12:02:54 AM): I did take out the whole DeShana situation. I wasn't even thinking about that.I don't know the whole story. I've been wanting to talk to him since before that.

blaze25629 (12:03:23 AM): regarding ur relationship?

Hinote Alchemist (12:05:40 AM): Not just that, but that's a part of it. After the relationship is when I realized the stuff I just mentioned, but our relationship is not the only thing I'm drawing my points from. Get me?

blaze25629 (12:06:33 AM): o ok

blaze25629 (12:07:56 AM): i understand u and i guess ill explain 2 j how important this is 2 u and hopefully ya guys could talk about this

Hinote Alchemist (12:08:18 AM): Thank you so much D.

Hinote Alchemist (12:08:33 AM): I don't think I've ever told you how much I appreciate you.

Hinote Alchemist (12:09:15 AM): Like, when I was depressed and upset and crappy and sad and just a huge mess ball of emotions, you really helped me out.

blaze25629 (12:09:48 AM): im happy 2 help u i honestly am

Hinote Alchemist (12:10:07 AM): Like, I didn't feel like complete crap. It was comforting to know that someone still cared, especially you when you didm't have, seeing that you're J's best friend.

Hinote Alchemist (12:10:29 AM): Gratz! I feel the tears coming, but I won't let them out xD

Hinote Alchemist (12:12:48 AM): Oh my gosh

Hinote Alchemist (12:12:53 AM): Man

blaze25629 (12:13:03 AM): well janell its common curticy 2 help someone out when they r in a bind u no

Hinote Alchemist (12:13:30 AM): lol! I'm glad you have that philosophy. 'Cause a lot of people don't.

blaze25629 (12:16:41 AM): anyway ill ttyl k peace need 2 take my asthma meds

Hinote Alchemist (12:17:04 AM): Feel better D! I'll keep you in my prayers. See you tomorrow?

blaze25629 (12:17:30 AM): k peace

Hinote Alchemist (12:17:42 AM): Later love!

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

About thirty minutes ago, I did something really crazy.

I told DeShana and Jeremy that I forgive them.

I can't believe I did it. I can't believe it. God is crazy. And do you know how? Here's how.

So this past weekend, Saturday actually, I was at Bronx Bethany Church of the Nazarene for their youth service. I go there weekly. So the message was about intentionally representing the intentional love the God has for us. I have no clue what Shane(the preacher) said that triggered this thought in my mind, but all of a sudden, I felt like I was supposed to talk to DeShana and Jeremy. I don't know if it's 'cause he said we have to radical with our evangelism or 'cause he said that we should be moving with urgency if we know that the world will end and unsaved souls will perish. I don't know, but I just felt like I needed to talk to them. I needed to end the silence. I was miserable the rest of that weekend. It was eating at me. I didn't know if it was practical for me to talk to them, if any good would come out of it or if just overstepping the Christian boundary. Ionno. I asked God to give me until Thursday, that Monday was too soon to talk to them. I was fretting so much. Too much over this. And then Sunday evening I was like "You know what God? I'm just gonna trust you and not worry so much." So then I was whatever about it. But was crazy how many times I saw him yesterday.. Like, made close contact with him. 1) When I walked into school he was the first person I saw. 2) I sat behind the both of them in the assembly we had yesterday concerning Judge Sonia Sotomayor (she's a graduate from our school). 3) We walked close to each other after leaving math class (our classes are in the same hallway. 4) He had gym that day and I was coming from music class. He was with my buddy Julian, who poked me, but I totally ignored Jeremy. Four times. And you know, I couldn't keep on doing that. Ignoring them. I have a whole nother year with them in the same clubs, play and gospel choir. And in play, you have to cooperate and you around each other about 10 hours a week. Ignoring people is exhausting and it's not Christian. So yesterday in bible study, I just felt--no, not felt. I know now that God was telling me to do this. The preacher (Rev. Davis) didn't say anything in particular that made me feel way; I just heard God. I decided then that I was going to talk to them. I was gonna do it the next day I wasn't gonna question it anymore. I just didn't know how I was gonna go about saying anything.

So today, I figured I was gonna talk to them. Well, half-figured. I had to do my Spanish dialogue for my Regents in the morning (I got a 23/24! YES!!!) Then there was band practice after school. I didn't know where I was gonna find the time to talk to them 'cause I wanted ample time. So coming out of band about to leave, I remember that their lockers are in the hallway I have to pass through in order to leave through the front entrance. I could have gone through another exit, but I didn't want to be a coward. Like, not walk down the hallway I want to walk down because there are people there I do not like. When there's a pretty good chance they're not even there? That would be defeating myself. But I said to God, "If they're there, I will talk to them."

---8/3/09---
Yeah, let me finish this story before I regret it

So, I walk down the steps and peep to the side to see if they're there. The hallway is clear, so you know I'm overjoyed. So I'm standing near the end of the hallway, looking at this display of Sonia Sotomayor and I see Jasmine so we're just talking and stuff. So we're walking down the hallway to leave and at the end of the hallway, guess who I see? J & D. So I'm feeling "Damn it! Damn it God!" But in my head I'm like "Okay gotta hold up my end of the bargain." So I part with Jasmine and walk up to them and say, "DeShana, can I talk to you?" So, we walk into the staircase that's on the first floor high side right next to the guidance office. So I tell her that I forgive her and all that good stuff and explain the song "Pictures of the Past" by Warren to her and how it says "Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs, it lets go, it moves on..stop painting pictures of the past." I think I told her I still love you guys. Something like that. And I apologized for ignoring them and she was all like "Don't apologize" and she said that she thought that I wasn't going to talk to her until the day before my graduation so that I wouldn't leave this school with any baggage behind. Yeah, she said she was sorry, and everything was pretty matter-of-fact. So, yeah. Then it was his turn.

DUNT DUNT DUNT.

So talking to him was so easy, and that's scary. He spoke first. He was ranting about Tiana touched him and he got this weird infection looking thing. He showed it to me. It was like, all bubbly-like. Then he said he put Purell on it and I was like "You idiot, you put sanitizer on it?" And then he told me to shut up and yada. He touched my necklace to read what it said (it was the faith one) and I was like we got it when we went to sing for the pope but, o wait, you didn't sing with us and he was either like "ouch" or "oh, thanks" and ARGH! I hate the fact that it was so easy to talk to him. It was like we were friends again. I HATE that. We were talking about anything for a good 3 minutes. With D, it was straight to the point. After a while, I was like "ANYWAY, I just want to tell you that I forgive you and I'm sorry for ignoring you." And he was all like "It's okay" and in my head I'm like I should be telling you that it's okay; you should be apologizing to me. But whatever. So yeah. I guess I was freed in that moment.

So, Saturday comes and the message is on forgiveness. So, my conscience is all free 'cause I told these people "I forgive you." But Lion King (that's what me, my sis, and my friend Terri-Ann call the preacher) gives this crazy message that had me sobbing:

Forgiveness is restoring the person who hurt us back to the position they were in before they did the act.
The world tells us to keep our guard up, put up a barrier, but God tells us to leave ourselves as open as we were before. Just as vulnerable to get hurt again.
How can we do this? We don't trust that the person will not hurt us again. We're trusting God; His grace is sufficient.
The ministry of forgiveness, of reconciliation, is a non-negotiable aspect of the Christian life.

I was so upset after hearing this message. I went home and threw a tantrum and I was crying all over the place "WHY DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM? THEY HURT ME!!!!" Do you know how many days I spent in the chapel sobbing? For days straight. Worst pain I've ever felt ever. And I have to treat them like my friends again? As if they didn't hurt me? No flippin' way!

But this message was God speaking directly to me. Like, there's no way He wasn't. Two days after I tell them I forgive them and I get this message? Lion King made good points. When God forgives us, He restores us right back to the place where we were. It's not like we start out on top and then fall to a lower and lower level everytime we sin. When we ask for forgiveness, God puts us right back to where we were before we sinned. I have to be like that. And it may seem impossible, but I have to do it.

And you know, really, forgiveness is a gift from God. Like, when you forgive someone, not only does Jesus shine through you/not only do you embody Christ, but you also lose your bitterness. Like, I would have gone around ignoring them remaining hurt by their actions while they were off in their lovey-dovey world holding hands and making out and not caring about how I was feeling. So by doing what God's says, I'm really doing myself a favor. More to follow in next post.