God of Transformation

God is so AWESOME.

This post is just one of thanksgiving. God has been breaking down things in me and refining me. And my satisfaction, increasingly, is in Him. The song I will Exalt You by Hillsong is becoming a greater reality. God is shaping my faith and redirecting my steps so that He is my refuge and my hiding place... my treasure. And this going back to God is different from than in the chapel days. In the chapel days, I did not have a desire to go back into the world. But now, I understand that I am to go back out, that I am to be a light in the darkness. My quiet place is to be a time of rejuvenation for the purpose of going back out into the world. In '09, I had a burning desire for others to know Christ, yet I did not know how to take what God had given me and share it with others. When I was going to all the different churches during my senior year of high school, I wasn't going with the mentality of How do I take what God has taught me here and blessed me with back home so that I can be a representative of Christ at 100 Alcott? I treated church as an escape rather than as a refilling of oil in my lamp to be a light at home. I was not even thinking like that. I just wanted to get away and church and the chapel were just that.

And you know, maybe I needed to be at that stage for a while. For God was training me and teaching me as I hopped from church to church. Teaching me so much -- I will never fully know why I had to go through the experiences that I went through or why I had to learn things the way that I did. But God in His wisdom just... did it all. I was thinking the other day of how much God has to transform in me but then it hit me... He has already transformed me. The person that I was when I accepted Christ for real at the altar that Sunday in November 2006, is sooooo different than the person I am now! I am bolder, I am more enthusiastic, I am more passionate, I understand my faith and Christ's relevancy and character on a much greater level (I did not fully grasp much of that stuff when I was starting out), I love God more and God has deepened my understanding of what it means for Him to love me. And YES, I have a much MUCH longer way to go. But God has brought me far already. This is significant and noticeable change from Janell 2006/2007 to Janell 2011. All the work of God. Hallelujah. Thank You God for being a transforming God, not one who is content with me as I am but who wants to change be for the better. For the honor and glory of Your Name. Show me what that means Lord. And may I be on board with bringing glory to Your Name and not my own. Hallelujah!

Thank You Jesus. You are truly great and wonderful. Thank You SO MUCH for loving me! You are the greatest love story ever told, the greatest love ever known. Thank You for being constant and perfect in character. Thank You for being reliable and true to Your word. Thank You that I lack nothing in You! Thank You that though so many things will fall away, YOU remain, and that is enough. Hallelujah, Lord You are too good! Blessed be the Name of the Lord! May You be lifted up in every season of life, exalted no matter what. Though I waver, You remain the same and You are always worthy of worship. Thank You Lord! How great is my God!

AMEN.

Amazing Faith

Yeah, so I guess I was totally lazy and did not post up the other college descriptions. Eh, still a little lazy xD. Yesterday, I took my SAT. I am so glad it's over! It was so long, 10 sections, about 4 hours. A 4 hour test! That should be illegal, it sounds so unreasonable and irrational! Ugh whatever, it's done, at least until October. I took it at Truman High School and it was like a 180 reunion and a Spellman get-together at the same time. Too many familiar faces. Freeeaaaky.

So Friday morning, I was being really silly. I was reading IM convos that I used to have with my ex-boyfriend. Irony of everything was really funny. Like, I told him "You have to promise not to stab me in the back because I'm gonna say something cheesy that'll make me vulnerable." He said "I promise." Then I was like "If you were to die, I would cry harder than your mother because she at least has one other child, but I only have one best friend." We weren't dating at this point, but I find it funny that a) he did stab me in the back (more like the heart) and b) we aren't friends anymore xD. It's funny, but at the same time it's sad 'cause it's crazy that after everything, this is where we wound up. Two extremely distant people who at one point were so close. It's unfortunate, but what can you do? Answer: Just move on. God has my back, so I'm good =)

On another note, Thursday was quite a day. I was at Bank Street for the College Writing Workshop. Joel and Lauren found out that Jeremy and I went out and the things they said really put me in a good mood. The first thing Lauren said was "You didn't lose anything." lol, it was really cool. And Joel was astonished, her face was hilarious. She couldn't see why I even bothered. lol. They didn't bash him ridiculously, but they were basically saying that I can do better. They were voicing something I have already concluded: "I can do better, I can do better. HUGH!" (Avril song I Can Do Better XD). Thanks guys. And Luis's poetry is amazing, oh my gosh! Like, he did some improv. and my eyes welled up. It was so real xD. The topic was ex-boyfriends. lol, typing this all out makes it seem like I'm not over Jeremy, but it's just that he's come up randomly in the past few days. In my head and in conversations 0_0. Strange... But anyway, Luis's poems are amazing. I'm gonna kill him if he doesn't do something with his work. Do you here me Luis? You are too good not to do anything!!!
But the biggest thing that made my Thursday was the train ride home. I was on the 2 train, and this guy comes on the train. He apologized for disturbing us and then told his story. He is HIV positive and left the homeless shelter where he was at, for he was beaten and robbed. His family won't speak to him. He's getting his paperwork and stuff together I guess so that he can get housing, but in the meantime he's living on the streets. He said that he uses his gift for reciting original poetry in asking for donations. When he started his poem, it wasn't anything dynamic, not in terms of how he recited it or the words he used. It wasn't like Luis's where you are just awed that he was able to come up with this stuff. Naw, this poem was very simple. What was dynamic about this poem was the subject of it. A little ways into it, he used the the word "He" referring to God. Then I heard "Lord" and "Jesus." He was saying that Jesus is always with him and that that's where he finds strength and comfort. Basically that's what he was saying. I gave him the dollar I was gonna spend on ice cream. I wish I had like 5 to give him. It was amazing! That feeling I felt after he said his poem. I was so touched. Here is a man in such a terrible situation. The man is dying. Dying. But you know what he's doing? He praising God through his poetry. And it was absolutely different from your typical testimony. A typical testimony talks about how God brought someone through something. How they went through a trying time, but God carried them out. Those are awesome, but this one was different. In this case, the guy is still in his trial; he's still in deep trouble. And you know what he's doing? Reciting poetry about God. Man, that touched me so much. So many other people in his situation would turn away from God, reject Him. Blame Him for their situation. But what is this guy doing? Praising His name through poetry! I can't get over that, it's amazing! And though it was simpler, his poem hit me way harder than Luis's. I welled up with Luis's poem; with this guy I sobbed. Awh man did I sob! I sobbed walking home from the train station, truly amazed by this man's story. God is so amazing. I can imagine the peace that man is experiencing right now. Do I want a faith like that! Amazing faith. That should be a song xD. I should have asked for the guy's name again. Damn! I think it was Joseph. So guys, please pray for Joseph. God, that was amazing. Thank You that I got to hear his story.

So yeah, I'll end my rambling there :)