So at present, I am riding on the bus from Binghamton to NYC for Easter Break. The wifi is actually working on this Shortline bus (amazing) - hopefully it doesn't conk out. If it does, I'm sleeping.
Anyway, these past four weeks have been incredibly turbulent. From NYCUP to drooping feelings the week after NYCUP, to Jeffrey's death and my birthday to crazy peace about his death this past week. So much to reflect upon and thaw out.
On Friday the 8th at around 2:30 in the morning, I left Johnson (my dorm hall) to catch the 3:05 bus (that actually left at like 3:30) to go to Manhattan. I was heading home to go to Jeffrey's wake that day and funeral the next morning. I came back to Bing Saturday the 9th.
That was a really interesting weekend. Interesting, I say, because of the nature of it: extremely sad in it's beginning and middle and at peace at the end. The main thing that I had been struggling with was the destination of Jeffrey's soul. Besides asking over and over again, "Why?", I also kept asking God "Where?". That question was hurting me. I could not even fully appreciate the songs that talked about God being there with me in the midst of the storm because all I kept asking in pain was "God, did Jeffrey know you were there for him?".
Okay, I'm falling asleep, I'll finish this later.
-Salmon
Showing posts with label Bank Street. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bank Street. Show all posts
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Amazing Faith
Yeah, so I guess I was totally lazy and did not post up the other college descriptions. Eh, still a little lazy xD. Yesterday, I took my SAT. I am so glad it's over! It was so long, 10 sections, about 4 hours. A 4 hour test! That should be illegal, it sounds so unreasonable and irrational! Ugh whatever, it's done, at least until October. I took it at Truman High School and it was like a 180 reunion and a Spellman get-together at the same time. Too many familiar faces. Freeeaaaky.
So Friday morning, I was being really silly. I was reading IM convos that I used to have with my ex-boyfriend. Irony of everything was really funny. Like, I told him "You have to promise not to stab me in the back because I'm gonna say something cheesy that'll make me vulnerable." He said "I promise." Then I was like "If you were to die, I would cry harder than your mother because she at least has one other child, but I only have one best friend." We weren't dating at this point, but I find it funny that a) he did stab me in the back (more like the heart) and b) we aren't friends anymore xD. It's funny, but at the same time it's sad 'cause it's crazy that after everything, this is where we wound up. Two extremely distant people who at one point were so close. It's unfortunate, but what can you do? Answer: Just move on. God has my back, so I'm good =)
On another note, Thursday was quite a day. I was at Bank Street for the College Writing Workshop. Joel and Lauren found out that Jeremy and I went out and the things they said really put me in a good mood. The first thing Lauren said was "You didn't lose anything." lol, it was really cool. And Joel was astonished, her face was hilarious. She couldn't see why I even bothered. lol. They didn't bash him ridiculously, but they were basically saying that I can do better. They were voicing something I have already concluded: "I can do better, I can do better. HUGH!" (Avril song I Can Do Better XD). Thanks guys. And Luis's poetry is amazing, oh my gosh! Like, he did some improv. and my eyes welled up. It was so real xD. The topic was ex-boyfriends. lol, typing this all out makes it seem like I'm not over Jeremy, but it's just that he's come up randomly in the past few days. In my head and in conversations 0_0. Strange... But anyway, Luis's poems are amazing. I'm gonna kill him if he doesn't do something with his work. Do you here me Luis? You are too good not to do anything!!!
But the biggest thing that made my Thursday was the train ride home. I was on the 2 train, and this guy comes on the train. He apologized for disturbing us and then told his story. He is HIV positive and left the homeless shelter where he was at, for he was beaten and robbed. His family won't speak to him. He's getting his paperwork and stuff together I guess so that he can get housing, but in the meantime he's living on the streets. He said that he uses his gift for reciting original poetry in asking for donations. When he started his poem, it wasn't anything dynamic, not in terms of how he recited it or the words he used. It wasn't like Luis's where you are just awed that he was able to come up with this stuff. Naw, this poem was very simple. What was dynamic about this poem was the subject of it. A little ways into it, he used the the word "He" referring to God. Then I heard "Lord" and "Jesus." He was saying that Jesus is always with him and that that's where he finds strength and comfort. Basically that's what he was saying. I gave him the dollar I was gonna spend on ice cream. I wish I had like 5 to give him. It was amazing! That feeling I felt after he said his poem. I was so touched. Here is a man in such a terrible situation. The man is dying. Dying. But you know what he's doing? He praising God through his poetry. And it was absolutely different from your typical testimony. A typical testimony talks about how God brought someone through something. How they went through a trying time, but God carried them out. Those are awesome, but this one was different. In this case, the guy is still in his trial; he's still in deep trouble. And you know what he's doing? Reciting poetry about God. Man, that touched me so much. So many other people in his situation would turn away from God, reject Him. Blame Him for their situation. But what is this guy doing? Praising His name through poetry! I can't get over that, it's amazing! And though it was simpler, his poem hit me way harder than Luis's. I welled up with Luis's poem; with this guy I sobbed. Awh man did I sob! I sobbed walking home from the train station, truly amazed by this man's story. God is so amazing. I can imagine the peace that man is experiencing right now. Do I want a faith like that! Amazing faith. That should be a song xD. I should have asked for the guy's name again. Damn! I think it was Joseph. So guys, please pray for Joseph. God, that was amazing. Thank You that I got to hear his story.
So yeah, I'll end my rambling there :)
So Friday morning, I was being really silly. I was reading IM convos that I used to have with my ex-boyfriend. Irony of everything was really funny. Like, I told him "You have to promise not to stab me in the back because I'm gonna say something cheesy that'll make me vulnerable." He said "I promise." Then I was like "If you were to die, I would cry harder than your mother because she at least has one other child, but I only have one best friend." We weren't dating at this point, but I find it funny that a) he did stab me in the back (more like the heart) and b) we aren't friends anymore xD. It's funny, but at the same time it's sad 'cause it's crazy that after everything, this is where we wound up. Two extremely distant people who at one point were so close. It's unfortunate, but what can you do? Answer: Just move on. God has my back, so I'm good =)
On another note, Thursday was quite a day. I was at Bank Street for the College Writing Workshop. Joel and Lauren found out that Jeremy and I went out and the things they said really put me in a good mood. The first thing Lauren said was "You didn't lose anything." lol, it was really cool. And Joel was astonished, her face was hilarious. She couldn't see why I even bothered. lol. They didn't bash him ridiculously, but they were basically saying that I can do better. They were voicing something I have already concluded: "I can do better, I can do better. HUGH!" (Avril song I Can Do Better XD). Thanks guys. And Luis's poetry is amazing, oh my gosh! Like, he did some improv. and my eyes welled up. It was so real xD. The topic was ex-boyfriends. lol, typing this all out makes it seem like I'm not over Jeremy, but it's just that he's come up randomly in the past few days. In my head and in conversations 0_0. Strange... But anyway, Luis's poems are amazing. I'm gonna kill him if he doesn't do something with his work. Do you here me Luis? You are too good not to do anything!!!
But the biggest thing that made my Thursday was the train ride home. I was on the 2 train, and this guy comes on the train. He apologized for disturbing us and then told his story. He is HIV positive and left the homeless shelter where he was at, for he was beaten and robbed. His family won't speak to him. He's getting his paperwork and stuff together I guess so that he can get housing, but in the meantime he's living on the streets. He said that he uses his gift for reciting original poetry in asking for donations. When he started his poem, it wasn't anything dynamic, not in terms of how he recited it or the words he used. It wasn't like Luis's where you are just awed that he was able to come up with this stuff. Naw, this poem was very simple. What was dynamic about this poem was the subject of it. A little ways into it, he used the the word "He" referring to God. Then I heard "Lord" and "Jesus." He was saying that Jesus is always with him and that that's where he finds strength and comfort. Basically that's what he was saying. I gave him the dollar I was gonna spend on ice cream. I wish I had like 5 to give him. It was amazing! That feeling I felt after he said his poem. I was so touched. Here is a man in such a terrible situation. The man is dying. Dying. But you know what he's doing? He praising God through his poetry. And it was absolutely different from your typical testimony. A typical testimony talks about how God brought someone through something. How they went through a trying time, but God carried them out. Those are awesome, but this one was different. In this case, the guy is still in his trial; he's still in deep trouble. And you know what he's doing? Reciting poetry about God. Man, that touched me so much. So many other people in his situation would turn away from God, reject Him. Blame Him for their situation. But what is this guy doing? Praising His name through poetry! I can't get over that, it's amazing! And though it was simpler, his poem hit me way harder than Luis's. I welled up with Luis's poem; with this guy I sobbed. Awh man did I sob! I sobbed walking home from the train station, truly amazed by this man's story. God is so amazing. I can imagine the peace that man is experiencing right now. Do I want a faith like that! Amazing faith. That should be a song xD. I should have asked for the guy's name again. Damn! I think it was Joseph. So guys, please pray for Joseph. God, that was amazing. Thank You that I got to hear his story.
So yeah, I'll end my rambling there :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
