Some Thoughts...

Uhm. So there are a lot of things on my mind.
One, I am confused about church. My home church. When I go to church, I am miserable. All I can think about is how different I wish it was. Like, praise and worship is so dead and rushed and hymns are the thing. I'm cool with hymns, but can we have some contemporary music in there too? Something I can actually relate too? And then during the messages, I'm planning how we can make the service more meaningful and exciting, etc. Everything is just so dead. So I go there miserable and leave miserable. Like, I couldn't go there today. I stayed home. I should be at church right now. And it sucks because I've been going there all my life and I've grown so much spiritually in the past 6 months from going to other churches than I have from going to my own church. Like, the other churches I go to have been "supplements." But I really feel that I should not be taking so many supplements! I am so on fire for God and I don't have a home church where that fire can be channeled in pratical ways. Jesus help! I don't want to leave Grace (my home church) because so many people have left and I don't want to be another one who just gave up. Loyalty is important. But should I be sacrificing my spirituality for it? I feel so helpless. Jesus, light a fire in me! A fire to change, or I don't know, a fire to light a fire in others! To not give up on my church home. A fire to communicate to your people how immense the love of Christ is! Seriously, please give me the strength to hang on. Because it is REALLY difficult. And may I continually seek you when it comes to Grace. May the worship begin before I get to church so it won't be so painful to sit there. May I seek to give and not get. Help me Lord! Remind me of the truths that you put in my heart. I don't feel you pulling me away from Grace. I am grateful that you are nuturing me spiritually, thank You. And please give me the strength and help me make the sacrifice to read Your Word. *sigh* Amen.