Large Group 11.11.11

Ugh.

This weekend is not so fun.

So Nicky is here for the weekend. And I am a terrible host. It's like, I did not slow down to really hang out with her. My life did not change; I am going about my business, except there's a person there now. And I just don't feel good about it. And today's Large Group was very much frustrating for me. It was LONG, a bit disorganized, and just not representative of the Large Group in general. And I messed up at one point during worship where I called a repeat that did not happen because my mic was not loud enough.

Whatever, why am I writing about this. Despite what I felt, God moved.

God spoke to people through Large Group tonight. Regardless of how I felt about lg, God spoke. The Holy Spirit spoke. So my focus needs to stop being on how well things flowed or how smooth everything was. It has nothing to do with that, and it's not about me or the people in my fellowship either. It is all about God. Hallelujah.

Father, I pray that You will help me to focus on You and not on anything else. YOU and YOU alone. Hallelujah. Be with me later today as I seek to honor You through my interaction with my sister and through how I steward my time. I pray that You would orchestrate everything and that things would work out and work smoothly tomorrow. Oh Father. I ask for You to help me. In the Name of Christ I pray, Amen.

12:10 am.

Engage

So, Pastor Richy sent me this link for this project called Engage with the Willow Creek Community Association. I took a survey, similar to the one for Strengths Finder, except it's for your spiritual growth. Kind of helps you gauge where you are at spiritually. Here are my results.

My Portrait

Your Engage Life Survey highlights that you are a devoted believer whose life is centered on the person and life of Jesus Christ. Your walk with God is strong, your love for him is unquestioned, and your view of the world around you flows primarily from this deep connection. Through your well-established relationship with God, it is practically second nature for you to love him from the heart. Anything else is almost unthinkable—the old life you used to live apart from him is a distant memory. Core doctrines of the Christian faith form the basis of your understanding of what’s most true in life, and biblical teachings have become an integral part of your everyday living. For you, many forms of prayer—including honest confession of sin—are an almost daily reality. You frequently cultivate your connection to God through reading and reflecting on Scripture. Not surprisingly, hope and peace characterize most of your life as you naturally lean into God and trust in his provision. As the Psalmist says, your cup overflows and goodness and mercy are following in your wake. You have made an important spiritual transition: the “mind of Christ” is now the preeminent driving force in your life. You are increasingly living out of your new identity in Christ. People who are “free” do whatever they like; and to be free in Christ is to like the things he likes such that they are your natural first choice. You don’t even really need to think about it, because your wants and his are so frequently identical. That’s because your heart has been renewed to the extent the deepest desires in you line up with the desires of God himself. And even when you make mistakes, you realize how much that does not represent who you want to be at your core. You quickly get back on track, ready and willing to rejoin with God and his plan for you. Despite your deep, abiding connection with God, relationships with those you might naturally influence aren’t as strong as they might be considering your maturity. People can be disappointing, and given how much you enjoy God, it certainly is understandable that you might prefer his company to theirs. Once you increase your involvement with the needs of others and initiate meaningful, spiritual conversations with those who are far from God, you will see your fruitfulness increase dramatically. Also, despite your belief in and strong love for God, you still find yourself hesitant in taking steps to follow his call into risky territory. As you look to your ultimate destination in life, you realize your spiritual progress is also intended to be an inspiration to others who are not as far along in their journey. Jesus spoke of and modeled “making disciples” through connecting with a few people for the purpose of mentoring them in the ways of God. That is clearly going to be a growing opportunity for you, and will increasingly define the mark you make on the next generation of Christ-followers. Your personalized growth plan will help you live out more fully your identity in Christ in the context of community, take you to even greater levels of freedom, and guide you toward leaving a lasting legacy for God and his Kingdom.

My Next Step Themes

• Spiritual Coaching in Practice
  This theme deals with the importance of leaving a spiritual legacy. Your growth path includes learning about how to influence the next generation of Christ-followers so they too will carry the message of God’s love to your lost world and continue the progress of the gospel world-wide.
• Your Identity In Action in Community
  This theme deals with how your new identity in Christ spurs you on to get involved in ministry. Your growth path includes:
  • learning about how God’s new heart in you leads to service
  • comprehending the sweeping implications of the “one another” commands in the New Testament that will redefine how you relate to others
  • stepping into the exciting adventure of personal evangelism.
  
• Living Free
  This theme deals with how you keep your minds and souls free and unencumbered through focusing on core spiritual realities. Your growth path includes:
  • being reminded of your eternal home in heaven and the hope that infuses your life
  • learning to stay connected to God even in the midst of suffering
  • gaining freedom from your painful past by forgiving grudges.

P. Richy is testing this out to see if it would be something beneficial to Bronx Bethany. I am a part of the preliminary process, giving feedback about what works, what doesn't work. Here is the description of what Engage is:

It is an online tool that helps you engage in your spiritual growth, in spiritual friendships and conversations, and in relevant ways with your church community and the world around you. One key aspect is that you will receive an Engage Portrait© that helps you understand where you’re at spiritually and a direction for growth. It then provides personalized recommendations or next steps you should consider taking to grow. These are steps that will challenge you to learn, connect with others and pursue new experiences. While Engage brings a broad perspective, it is anchored by the opportunities, experiences, teaching, expertise and relationships that your church community has to offer.

So this'll be a cool process. A cool tool. That's the thing though; it's a tool. It is a tendency of my to try to fit descriptions of me. No longer.

-Salmon

7:15 pm.

Jesus be the Center, Your Presence is Heaven to me.

From my heart to the Heavens,

Jesus be the Center.

It's all about You;

Yes. It's all about You.

Bring me back to the Heart of Worship Lord.

It's all about You.

Engrain that in my heart. Etch that into my heart Lord. Hallelujah. You, You, You, You, it's all about You Jesus. Help me to give ALL THINGS over to You Lord. My first Love. My authentic Love. My Steadfast Love. My Identity. My source of joy. My Life. Jesus be the Center. It's all about You Lord! From my heart to the Heavens, Jesus be the Center, it's all about You, yes, it's all about You. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Amen Father.

You are the Center of my Life. You are the One I worship. Presence of the Living God, walk with me. Go with me Holy Spirit. I don't want to ever have to enter into Your Presence Lord. Consume me with Your Presence Lord that You may walk with me daily, moment by moment Father. I NEED YOU GOD!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Nothing in this world will satisfy,

But Jesus You're the Cup that won't run dry.

Go before me Lord. Walk with me Father. Never leave me Lord.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Where can I flee from Your Presence?

If I go to the Heavens You are there;

If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there Your Hand will guide me,

Your Right Hand will hold me fast.

You know me Father. Thank You for knowing me. Oh Jesus. Your Presence is Heaven to me.

Go with me Lord. Come with me. Follow me all the days of my life. Be my joy, be my strength.

Amen.

5:16 pm.

Saturday Thoughts

Today, I've been thinking about things.

One of those things is that I still have a concern about how others perceive me. I want to so much to get credit for things and to be esteemed highly in the sight of man. My self-image needs to be rooted n Christ alone, for realz.

Another thing has been my role as small group leader. I am not confident. I am not excited. I do not like it at all. It's been difficult because I do not have the kind of small group members that I thought I would have. I do not have small group members that are eager to be involved in the fellowship. That is hard. And so Lord, what are You teaching me? Revealing to me Father? What do You want me to do.

Trust You.

Try.

*Sigh* Father, please do the work. Help me to run, that I would not grow weary. To walk and not be faint. To hope in the Lord so that my strength would be renewed. Do this Lord, so that I can pursue my small group members so much more. And as You renew my strength, please increase my love for them God. Would my love and investment in them not be dependent on involved they are in IV. But would it be dependent on love. Help me to see everything in this life through the eyes of Christ. For realz, Lord. Eyes of God, with the understanding that everyone is worthy of love, of investment, because they are made in Your Image. The core of their identity is that they were made in Your Image. Forever would I know and be aware of that.

So Father, as I worship You and pray at this prayer and worship night, would speak. Would I hear You Father. Would I listen. Please break strongholds and set captives free! Hallelu Jah.

Amen.

5:59 pm

It's all about Jesus anyway.

It's all about You Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

There ispower in Your Name Father. And there is the greatest love in Your Name. I thank You that I have that. Though You take things away that I value greatly, many times too greatly, I thank You that I have You. You do not compare to anything that I over-appreciate. Help me to be satisfied with Your will and Your plan. I thank You that in bringing glory to Yourself, You also work things out for the good of those who love You.

It's all about You.

It's all about You.

Father, be the center of me. I want to be hidden so far deep into You. Please answer this prayer Lord. Would I be so rooted in Your love. Would I be in You.

Jesus, please help me to study. My focus has been diverted to the loss of community in J-man and all motivation I had to study hard has died. Help me to perserve in praise, through my lips and through this action of studying. Father, I can only do it through Jesus Christ. Please help me Lord.

I pray in Your Powerful Name,

Amen.

11:18 pm

Evan. Training 2

So,

At Evan. Training:

There were more ORC members present than non-ORC members.

Ratio:

4:3

But it's all good and I'm okay. It's not about me, it's not about the numbers. God did something through Evan. Training, whether we see it or not. Hallelujah.

1:17 am