College!

I came back from a four-day college tour last night, and I'm really excited to go to college! The colleges we looked at were Princeton, Temple, Bryn Mawr (an all girls school), University of Pennsylvania (UPenn), Villa Nova, Haverford, Johns Hopkins, Georgetown, American University, Dickinson, and Lafayette. Geez, that was a lot. Three colleges per day and then two on the last day. I'm grateful for the experience though. I went with I-LEAD and made memories with Crystal and Adeola, even Michael, Nataly, Jennifer, lol, Timothy (Brown Sugar!). It was fun. The only downside I'd say there was was the rain on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tours in the rain were not fun -_-. Anyway, I got a lot from this tour. I realized what my preferences are and what I'm looking for in a college. I really want to go to UPenn. Oh my gosh, it was so exciting. I want to go to a school in the city, or very near to the city, but I don't want to go to one that is the city itself. Like Temple, or NYU where you don't get the feeling of a campus. It's just buildings everywhere. I'm not writing off NYU yet though, I'm taking a class there this summer and I'll see how I like it. But UPenn was amazing. They had a billion different things you could do in terms of clubs and activities and there's a place for everyone. They said that a student even decided to create Students Without A Cause, which was a group of students who had no cause and went around protesting other people's clubs XD. It died out, but I think it's so cool that that was even allowed to be established. I mean, the thing I love about UPenn is that they don't limit you, in terms of what you want to major in or what clubs you want to create. They give you so much freedom. Another great thing is that it's not a party school, but I know I'll have total fun. And best of all, it's an IVY League school! It's known as a social IVY because they have so much fun. But it's balanced. Temple was a party school, like, I know if I go there, I'll get no work done. There's so much to do there, and that's good, except I feel like there'd be no one stop me from having too much fun. To encourage me to get my work done. At UPenn, because it's an IVY League school, everyone's focus is academics and everyone is striving to reach their goal. The fun comes second. Another great thing, I can graduate debt-free. They will meet 100% of my need. Argh! I want to go! XD And the awesomest thing is that I have a fighting chance. If I keep my head on straight, I could be so in there! I can't wait. I can't freakin' wait. God, please can I go to this school? Please? Anyway, if I'm not lazy later on, I'll talk a little more about the other schools we visited. Ta ta!

From Cody to Me

Mar 13, 2009 4:59 PM

RE: Thank You

Hello,

Know that with out "rough" times we will never grow strong. The challenges of life are given to you to make you a stronger believer. The Lord will never give you what you cannot handle.

Embrace your challenges. Overcome them. Grow through them.

Cody P.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: † Nelly † (81255980)
To: Stellar Kart
Date: Mar 13, 2009 3:55 PM
Subject: Thank You

You guys are totally amazing. I'm going through such a rough time right now, and through your music you're reminding me of God's promises and of how much He loves me. It makes it easier to keep going. Keep on spreading the word and rockin' for Jesus!

† Nelly †

Coming Down From The High

So yesterday I was totally excited about moving on and becoming strong, and now I am a total mope. It sucks coming out of a relationship. You have your up days and your down days. I hate this roller coaster. On Sunday, I'll probably be fine. And then when we get back to school and I have to deal with seeing their faces it's going to hurt again. Argh! Feelings go away already! >.< Ahhhhh, I hate this, I hate it so much. But it just hurts. There is no other word that better describes what I'm feeling. Pain. But you know what Janell? You'll be okay. You will be alright. It won't come quickly, but your peace will come. Your peace will come. Just stay with God and don't forget that He loves you and He will get you through. Uh-huh. He will get you through.

Oh Jesus.

Excitement!

Five weeks ago yesterday, I fell out of a relationship with someone I called best friend. It's been really hard, and it's not helping that he's dating a girl whom I also called best friend. She was also his ex. Crazy high school drama that I tried to avoid! Everything just hurts. Anyway, not the point of this entry. I wanted to talk about what I'm feeling right now. It's crazy 'cause I was listening to the radio this morning and "our song" came on. Hanging By A Moment by Lifehouse. Here are the lyrics for those who don't know it:

I'm desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind

There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing
I'm starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you

Absolutely awesome, sweet song. So I'd expect to feel bad and mope while listening to it (I didn't want to change the station. Totally torturous to do to myself right?) But you know what's crazy? I was grinning while I was listening to this song. Like, ear-to-ear smile. Even when I was recalling him singing it to me and how we had our first kiss after he sang it to me on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even a psycho smile. I was so surprised by how much I was smiling, especially since I'm still blown away by how things ended up between us. I think I was smiling so much 'cause I'm really excited for the guy that God is going to put in my life. SO EXCITED! I can't wait, but then I can. I don't want to go through heartbreak like this again. Jeremy (my ex) said so many sweet things. So many sweet things! And you know how girls love to hear sweet things! So when I balance what he said against what he did the result is me thinking 'How could you?! How could you do this to me?!' Geez, that is not a fun feeling. So I'm willing to wait. I didn't wait for God's approval and I didn't listen to my own reasoning. I let the feelings take over. Warning to all who read this: If your feelings ever take over, stop. Don't make any decisions. Go to a person of integrity to give you an objective viewpoint. And it is tough to go against what you want/feel, but sometimes what you want/feel is not what's best for you. Ditch all that Hollywood movie crap, IT DOESN'T WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. Trust me, I know. My romantic Hollywood-movie fantasy was shot down 'cause reality hit me. I'm telling you, going against what you feel for the moment is better than going through pain. Because when you're in the pain, all you feel is regret. 'I should've listened to my head and not my heart. I wouldn't be in this situation if I had just listened! ARGH!' Oh boy is that feeling not fun! Day after day I went to the chapel to cry and pour myself out to Jesus. And I felt all this pain after just a 32-day relationship. Actually, it was longer. We were friends for a year and a half, so when we broke up, our friendship was strained. And when he started dating DeShana (his ex) again, our friendship ended. So I was crying over our entire friendship. And there is absolutely no going back to how we were as friends. Now, imagine if we had been dating longer. I'd be an even worse wreck. Wow.

I'm learning soooo much from this experience. I was so gullible and naive before this. I trusted everything that my friends said; I held them to their word. And now I know that people lie. Also, Jeremy is a serial dater and I knew that, but I thought that because I knew him better than his other girls had, I was different. *sticks out her tongue, does a raspberry and points her thumb downward* How delusional was I? Another really important thing that I learned is that this experience does not define me. It does not determine my worth. Just because I fell into the stupid high school drama circle, it doesn't mean that I'm a stupid high school girl. I'm very intelligent and intellectual, but intelligence can only get you so far. You need that good old wisdom ;) I'm a smart girl who made a stupid mistake by thinking that she was an exception. I got a shock and God let me know straight up "You're human just like everyone else." Man, that was a fun month that I had with him. But it wasn't meant to be, and I was hurt in the end. But you know? I'm getting stronger and wiser from this. I'm benefiting from the pain :). And it hurts now, but it'll hurt less in 3 weeks. And even less in 3 months. And in 3 years, it won't hurt at all XD. I know I'll be healed when I can go a whole day without the jerk entering my head. Everyday for 5 weeks he's been in my head! You how annoying it is? The guy dominates my thoughts and I hate that he has that power! Especially since he is way over me. Ugh, the idiot. I wanna be over it already >.< God is so sparing me because it could be so much worse. So much worse. He's not giving me more than I can handle and I am eternally grateful to Him for that. Thank you God, because I could be suffering so much worse. And He knows what I need and what's best for me. He gonna place the right guy right in front of me, I just have to be patient, obedient, and trusting of God's promises. It'll be the absolute perfect arranged marriage XD. Hmm, so exited am I. So excited am I...

~Nelly

Love of the Present, Love of the Future

Mr Fel. read this prayer out of our workbook on Thursday and I absolutely had to make a copy of it. God was totally speaking to me through these words:

Wait until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone.

I love you, my child. But until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another as you desire to be until you are united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires and belongings.

I want you to stop planning and stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists - one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.

Just keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking at Me, or you will miss what I want to give you.

And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready ... until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me ... and this is perfect love.

You know, life is hard. Like, really hard. But it's not impossible. And I can keep going because God is always there and He loves me immensely. Love makes life a bit more bearable =]