Night is Coming; Bring Glory to Your Name

So Jesus says in John 9:3-5 in regards to the man born blind from birth,

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

Night is coming, when no one can work. That's an important sentence. I do not live as though night is coming. Lord, bless me with the understanding that Your Gospel is a sweet, but urgent, message. And would urgency not turn into fear or hurriedness, but action. Active, rather than passive, action.

Jesus, You are the light of the world. And You are still in the world. Please stay in the world a little longer. Bless people who are outside of You with opportunities to come to faith. Hear the prayers of Your people, who intercede on behalf of those who do not know You. Call people to intercede for New York City, for victims of slavery, for the poor. Break the hearts of Christians in America for what breaks Yours. For those who claim to see, but who are actually blind, please give them sight. Show them their blindness and direct them to You.

For those who are blind, suffering, in pain (emotional, physical, spiritual, mental), deaf to the truth, Call and Shout! Break through their deafness. Shatter darkness and wash away blindness. Give multiple opportunities for second birth Lord, out of Your patience and love and the depth of Your kindness. I pray this would not be a kissup prayer. You are really patient and supremely loving, and so kind. You desire for ALL to know Christ! So please heal. Hearts, bodies, minds Jesus! In the Name of Jesus, the Name that CONQUERED Death. Display the work of God in the lives of those who are hurting and need help. Bring glory to Your Name even through the sin and the pain. Prove true the love of those who follow You; deepen our love for You Father. Draw us close to You.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. Amen.

2:01 pm

Peace and Love in 29D?...NOT!

I did not realize how much patience I lacked until I came back home.

OH MY GOSH THESE PEOPLE DRIVE ME OUT OF MYSELF (LITERALLY!).

I come back to 29D, and all these things are stripped from me:

Unlimited freedom (which is expected, I'm not even upset about that)

A bed

Space to get away for when I need to chillax

Cleanliness

And it's driving me bonkers! Home is the complete opposite of Bing; in Bing, I'm free to be myself; at 29D, I am choked. Who I am can't breathe, so then I become miserable and add to the dissent already present in the household.

How do I take the peace of the Kingdom of God with me?

I HAVE TO DO MY QUIET TIMES EVERYDAY!!!!!

That is the only way who I am will breathe, the only way!! Or else she will have to live in suffocation until the next time she can get to church and ultimately until she goes back to Bing. I'm sorry, but I need my air. Like, I NEED my AIR. Or else a monster will truly emerge.

Also, there are some absurdities that have emerged naturally that have caused me to say uh-uh, NO for when I raise my kids. Like, today is Christmas and Rochelle, Noel, Kirk, and Ricardo are coming over for breakfast. So what happens? NOW we clean. And now we make space in the room to pull out the extra bed because Janell is not sleeping in the living room. I mean like, messes that have accumulated over so much time are just now being cleaned and why-- because we have guests coming over? FOOLish-NESS! Nah-suh, no way. Uh-uh! Not happening in my household! What kind of message does that send to my daughter? Welcome-back-but-not-really; that's what it says to me. I don't want to come home then if I have the opportunity to stay in Bing or elsewhere for a break! The past few days, I've been considering doing NYCUP summer for the precise reason that I'll have good housing for a month out of the summer. My own bed, my own space.

Anyway, peace of God, peace of God! Take it with you wherever you go! Love everybody!

Man, family is the hardest to love! Geez!!!!

Ugh, peace and Merry Jesusmas -___-

12:47 am.

Apt. 29D

9:17 pm

29D, here I am again. I am upset. I was/kinda am not looking forward to the transtion from college life to life back in Co-Op for several reasons. 1, there are incredible amounts of brokenness. When I look at the physical condition and the faces of the people who walk the streets, I am burdened. 2, it is hard to freely be Christian here. I realize in this moment that I have to be very careful about sharing my enthusiasm about things I care about. For example, I am so amped that Google gave 11.5 million dollars to fight sex slavery and I expressed that to Nicky and she gave a look to Matthew like "Oh wow, here she goes." And like, it's not a huge deal, but I'm not going to encourage that ostracization anymore. 3, and the most annoying, is the amount of freedom that I lose when I come back home -_____-. At 9 o'clock, I wanted to go over to Dreaiser to say hi to Circle of Christ people after the youth service and she said no. And it all boils down to the fact that I am a girl. I am really annoyed and frustrated right now. It is not fair. I do not care if NJ has a penis, why is it that he can do what he wants for however long hewants with Destiny and when I come home from a college, where I have all the free reign in the world, I can't go say hi to friends real quick??? And I am not saying that I hould have the freedom to do whatever I want to when I come home just because I experience it at school. That is incredibly unrealistic to expect. But dag, can I get something??? This ain't happening for six weeks. Lord, I most definitely do not want to honor my parents (mostly mother) in this at all; it is not fair at all. What should I do? Because I want to honor You, but I do not want to lose my freedom. But if that brings glory to You, help me to suck it up, because honor and glory to Your Name trumps all. But anger, bitterness, and resentment is already stirring, and willl definitely fester if You do not help me. I am really mad at the double standard, really mad. But I pray that this, and the fact that I won't sleep in my own bed for six weeks, won't distract from me resting this break and growing in You. Help me to submit to You. Calm my heart, and calm my mind, especially the part that wants to emerge as a feminist.

GRARH!

Anyway, there are such bigger things to think about! Like praying about the brokenness that I see in the Bronx and praying for people and praying for transformation in Binghamton U, and even the Greater Binghamton area, and the Bronx. I need to be training and seeking God about doing Outreach Committee this semester. I need to be pouring into Taylor and Dontae. So much to do, and an exciting journey to take head on. Ain't got time for this crap.

So Lord, thank You for this time to devote solely to You. Like, I have the freedom to devote all of my time to You solely. Thank You! I pray that You would help me to steward my time extremely/incredibly WELL and teach me the things You need me to know. Help me to intercede on behalf of my brothers and sisters throughout the break and to pour into people, though we may be separated by distance. Fill me up real good God. Help me to do the things that need to be done, but help me to focus on You. Would I not lose focus on You at all Lord. Keep my eyes on You Lord. KEEP MY EYES ON YOU LORD.

Ah sigh.... Halleluuujah.

And I will sing

HALLELUJAH

Let the praises ring

HALLELUJAH

To the King of Kings

HALLELUJAH.

Amen.

________________________________________________

10:04 pm

And I realized... I need to pray for my family to. I need to pray for my family. Let it be so.

To the Glory of God

Sigh.

Looooord!

Bleh! Studying for Anthropology??? I don't want to! Like I really don't want to.

Romans 12:11

Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.

T_T

Moreover, I have to help Iverem pack, but I REALLY don't want to!!! I REALLY DON'T WANT TO! How to love her with genuine affection (Romans 12:10)? I don't know know Lord.

Sigh.

Please help me honor You through studying and through helping her pack. May I not be irritable when I talk with her; may she experience the love of the Lord through my help and service. Ugh... can You make it so that I at least get to share the gospel? Share more of who You are? That might make it a little bit easier and me less irritable. Seriously Holy Spirit, please take over for realz; take my spirit, take my emotions, take my mind and bend them to Your will as I help her pack. May they be bent on glorifying God through this time with her and through studying to the best of my ability Lord. Help me Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit!

AAAAAA-MEN!!!!! (= LET IIIIIIT BE SO!!!!)

2:49 pm