So, I did all my homework from like, 12-2:30 this morning so that I could spend more time with God in the Chapel 2nd period, but I forgot that confession is going on all this week! So, I'm going to blog instead.
Jesus, I spoke to You yesterday and it felt so good being able to empty myself to you. I haven't done that in weeks! And talking to You and expressing myself to You most definitely makes a difference. I thank You for the privilege. Anyway, although I spoke to You about this same issue yesterday, I've got to go to You about it again today God, because I am so weak -_-.
I can't stop liking this guy! >.<
And it's annoying the heck out of me! I wish I could just stop liking guys. Or at least stop liking guys who are temporarily or permanently* off the market. It's just a pain! But it's also the thorn in my side that is causing me to remain ever-dependent on You. In this stage of my life anyway. And you know, though a thorn is a thorn, I very well could have a whole porcupine stuck in my side. (lol! Christian analogies are the best xD). Like, it's better that I have this issue than a worse one. This is still hard, but it could very well be worse. But this is still hard.
And you know, the other day, You revealed the Godly way of looking at it. There are people in other countries who would love to think about a person they like or who would love to pursue someone. But they can't because they have to worry about what they'll have to eat, a disease they have or might easily catch, or if they'll even live to see tomorrow. They'd much rather have my issues. I am truly blessed.
So God, help me to hold on to You! And take courage in and strength from You! And I guarantee I'm gonna come back to You tomorrow crying about the same thing. But I thank You that You are there to listen whenever I need You. WHENEVER I need You! You are absolutely amazing. And people say You do not exist because You cannot be seen or because you cannot be proved by science or that Man is cool beans, not God. But how much greater is it to have an invisible God who is there 25/8, whenever you need a friend, whenever you need help, guaranteed, even when you wake up from a nightmare, than a physical, visible, tangible God who would only be available some of the time? Whose attention would be divided among the 6 billion people in this world? With God, we don't have to wait on line, or sign our names on a waiting list. He is available all day, everyday, for the rest of our lives...HALLELUJAH! Praise God! A-men! Thank You God that I am a Christian.
*permanently off the market means a guy is either:
Married
Dating a friend
Has dated a friend
Much love everybody!
~ Nelly Asakura
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
LOL! I am Hillarious! xD
So I just HAD to do another post. I was just skimming the "S'more Boy Talk" post and I am hilarious! D. is so not my type. He's cool and all, but I find him quite annoying and clingy. And he's a thinker. And that's good, you know, to explore different philosophies and stuff. But you have to grounded in something. Like, I speculate with philosophies to relate to someone or just to explore different ideas. But, that philosophy is not the master/director of my life. God is. And I have to stay grounded in Him. Or else my whole life will be directed by "philosophies." There is no way to fully explain the depth and complexity of life, so all you can do is hand your life over to the person who created it. Bam.
And when I say philosophy, I mean a man-made theory about life, it's meaning, and the other things we experience in life (love, hope, people, etc.). And there is some validity in some philosophies, but the people I've met take things to another level. Man's mind is too limited to sum up the world. Lean on the understanding of the Person who made the world.
Yeah, so D. is not my kind of guy. And I haven't met anyone who has been. Not yet. Maybe college. Maybe not. But God KNOWS what He's doing and I won't settle for less than what God has for me. 'Cause I am a Queen who is looking -pause- waiting, for a King. And when he does come, man, it will be great. But right now, my desire is God and God alone. Lord, help me to desire You and You alone. A-men.
And when I say philosophy, I mean a man-made theory about life, it's meaning, and the other things we experience in life (love, hope, people, etc.). And there is some validity in some philosophies, but the people I've met take things to another level. Man's mind is too limited to sum up the world. Lean on the understanding of the Person who made the world.
Yeah, so D. is not my kind of guy. And I haven't met anyone who has been. Not yet. Maybe college. Maybe not. But God KNOWS what He's doing and I won't settle for less than what God has for me. 'Cause I am a Queen who is looking -pause- waiting, for a King. And when he does come, man, it will be great. But right now, my desire is God and God alone. Lord, help me to desire You and You alone. A-men.
God is SO good!!!
God is so good! I just had the sudden urge to blog about His goodness. Man!
So yesterday was opening night for Crazy For You. The reception was AMAZING. People loved it! More than I thought they would, it was great to get that feedback and feel that love. And it was great to see people. I saw Destiny and her mom, Geralda and Jaleesa!, Derrick was there (and I love him 'cause he took off a whole week of school to come see the show! >.<). I saw Janice and Tom and Sly from I-Lead. It was so great. So great. Thank you Jesus so much. THANK YOU!
But God's goodness does not stop there. So, I've been crushing really hard on this dude lately. REALLY hard. Like, it's SO irrational! Like, his whole presence just sends shivers up my spine xD. So I knew he had a girlfriend and I know he's the ex of a close friend of mine, but the irrational feelings remained. But they started to fizzle quite quickly when I actually saw him with his girlfriend. And usually, I'd be a little sad for a few days since I crush so hard. But I'm not! I'm so not! Now it's just like, "God, I know you'll give me a guy who I'll like that much and who will have no conditions on him that will prevent me from being with him." Like, I'm not worried about it. God is showing me that there is a SEA of other people out there; it's impossible for me not to meet anyone else. My choice of eligible Bachelor's is not limited to Cardinal Spellman High School xD. Thank you God! <3
I hope you find some encouragement in this. God bless!
So yesterday was opening night for Crazy For You. The reception was AMAZING. People loved it! More than I thought they would, it was great to get that feedback and feel that love. And it was great to see people. I saw Destiny and her mom, Geralda and Jaleesa!, Derrick was there (and I love him 'cause he took off a whole week of school to come see the show! >.<). I saw Janice and Tom and Sly from I-Lead. It was so great. So great. Thank you Jesus so much. THANK YOU!
But God's goodness does not stop there. So, I've been crushing really hard on this dude lately. REALLY hard. Like, it's SO irrational! Like, his whole presence just sends shivers up my spine xD. So I knew he had a girlfriend and I know he's the ex of a close friend of mine, but the irrational feelings remained. But they started to fizzle quite quickly when I actually saw him with his girlfriend. And usually, I'd be a little sad for a few days since I crush so hard. But I'm not! I'm so not! Now it's just like, "God, I know you'll give me a guy who I'll like that much and who will have no conditions on him that will prevent me from being with him." Like, I'm not worried about it. God is showing me that there is a SEA of other people out there; it's impossible for me not to meet anyone else. My choice of eligible Bachelor's is not limited to Cardinal Spellman High School xD. Thank you God! <3
I hope you find some encouragement in this. God bless!
Friday, January 29, 2010
My sis and I
Wow, I haven't updated since November. I need to step up my blogging game.
So! What's new? Well, I'm a senior in high school (well that's not new), and I'm pretty much over J! lol, what a transition. He still comes into my mind every now and again though. Like, Monday coming, we would have made a year. I'm def. calling to wish his mom happy birthday xD Like really though, her birthday is Feb. 1st.
Anyway, he'll get a journal entry devoted to him on Monday x). This entry has to do with me and my sis.
So, last week Tues. or Wednesday, I said something really mean to my sis. We were watching Teen Moms on MTV or some channel like that and she was like "I could not have a child." Then I unnecessarily said, "Yeah, 'cause you still are a child." Then, even more unnecessarily, I was like "I was looking at Mr. Alfano and he's 30 and he has a wife a kid and he's a music teacher." I put 3 fingers up for the three things he was, and then put them down to signify that she did not have those things. That was so evil. I can't believe I did that.
Anyway, ever since then, we haven't really spoken. She said she forgave me, what I said is true. But what she's doing is basing her value and worth on what society says, not what God says. She doesn't think she's beautiful and I she ranks me above her. I mean it sucks because I look up to her and she's falling in my eyes. I swear, even though she's in the place where she is now, financially and stuff, if she had as much respect for herself as a lawyer does, I would look up to her so much more. It takes a strong person to hold their head up high when they are at a low point. I pray that God will open her eyes everyday. If she keeps up like this, we will surely grow distant. Please pray for her healing and the healing of our relationship.
So! What's new? Well, I'm a senior in high school (well that's not new), and I'm pretty much over J! lol, what a transition. He still comes into my mind every now and again though. Like, Monday coming, we would have made a year. I'm def. calling to wish his mom happy birthday xD Like really though, her birthday is Feb. 1st.
Anyway, he'll get a journal entry devoted to him on Monday x). This entry has to do with me and my sis.
So, last week Tues. or Wednesday, I said something really mean to my sis. We were watching Teen Moms on MTV or some channel like that and she was like "I could not have a child." Then I unnecessarily said, "Yeah, 'cause you still are a child." Then, even more unnecessarily, I was like "I was looking at Mr. Alfano and he's 30 and he has a wife a kid and he's a music teacher." I put 3 fingers up for the three things he was, and then put them down to signify that she did not have those things. That was so evil. I can't believe I did that.
Anyway, ever since then, we haven't really spoken. She said she forgave me, what I said is true. But what she's doing is basing her value and worth on what society says, not what God says. She doesn't think she's beautiful and I she ranks me above her. I mean it sucks because I look up to her and she's falling in my eyes. I swear, even though she's in the place where she is now, financially and stuff, if she had as much respect for herself as a lawyer does, I would look up to her so much more. It takes a strong person to hold their head up high when they are at a low point. I pray that God will open her eyes everyday. If she keeps up like this, we will surely grow distant. Please pray for her healing and the healing of our relationship.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Some Thoughts...
Uhm. So there are a lot of things on my mind.
One, I am confused about church. My home church. When I go to church, I am miserable. All I can think about is how different I wish it was. Like, praise and worship is so dead and rushed and hymns are the thing. I'm cool with hymns, but can we have some contemporary music in there too? Something I can actually relate too? And then during the messages, I'm planning how we can make the service more meaningful and exciting, etc. Everything is just so dead. So I go there miserable and leave miserable. Like, I couldn't go there today. I stayed home. I should be at church right now. And it sucks because I've been going there all my life and I've grown so much spiritually in the past 6 months from going to other churches than I have from going to my own church. Like, the other churches I go to have been "supplements." But I really feel that I should not be taking so many supplements! I am so on fire for God and I don't have a home church where that fire can be channeled in pratical ways. Jesus help! I don't want to leave Grace (my home church) because so many people have left and I don't want to be another one who just gave up. Loyalty is important. But should I be sacrificing my spirituality for it? I feel so helpless. Jesus, light a fire in me! A fire to change, or I don't know, a fire to light a fire in others! To not give up on my church home. A fire to communicate to your people how immense the love of Christ is! Seriously, please give me the strength to hang on. Because it is REALLY difficult. And may I continually seek you when it comes to Grace. May the worship begin before I get to church so it won't be so painful to sit there. May I seek to give and not get. Help me Lord! Remind me of the truths that you put in my heart. I don't feel you pulling me away from Grace. I am grateful that you are nuturing me spiritually, thank You. And please give me the strength and help me make the sacrifice to read Your Word. *sigh* Amen.
One, I am confused about church. My home church. When I go to church, I am miserable. All I can think about is how different I wish it was. Like, praise and worship is so dead and rushed and hymns are the thing. I'm cool with hymns, but can we have some contemporary music in there too? Something I can actually relate too? And then during the messages, I'm planning how we can make the service more meaningful and exciting, etc. Everything is just so dead. So I go there miserable and leave miserable. Like, I couldn't go there today. I stayed home. I should be at church right now. And it sucks because I've been going there all my life and I've grown so much spiritually in the past 6 months from going to other churches than I have from going to my own church. Like, the other churches I go to have been "supplements." But I really feel that I should not be taking so many supplements! I am so on fire for God and I don't have a home church where that fire can be channeled in pratical ways. Jesus help! I don't want to leave Grace (my home church) because so many people have left and I don't want to be another one who just gave up. Loyalty is important. But should I be sacrificing my spirituality for it? I feel so helpless. Jesus, light a fire in me! A fire to change, or I don't know, a fire to light a fire in others! To not give up on my church home. A fire to communicate to your people how immense the love of Christ is! Seriously, please give me the strength to hang on. Because it is REALLY difficult. And may I continually seek you when it comes to Grace. May the worship begin before I get to church so it won't be so painful to sit there. May I seek to give and not get. Help me Lord! Remind me of the truths that you put in my heart. I don't feel you pulling me away from Grace. I am grateful that you are nuturing me spiritually, thank You. And please give me the strength and help me make the sacrifice to read Your Word. *sigh* Amen.
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