Talkin' with the Jer-man

Most times when I talk to Jer, God says something through him to transform my perspective. And it's always so much to process that I have trouble communicating what's been said.

Following our conversation, I have this feeling of... okay-ness. I will be okay. No doubt about that. I really will emerge fine from this. And God has to continue break down the pedestal that I have Garnett on.

Um...

I need to focus on God. Not on the course of our relationship or how God will re-build it. My concern is not to be What will that look like. My concern is Lord, how do I love other people? I have invested so much into one person, poured so much out into one person, that I have not been loving community or allowing them to love me. I prayed a few entries back, the 11th of October "Give me Your Eyes and give me Your heart please." And that is want my focus needs to be. Praying for the eyes and heart of God.

And I was just thinking, what about those verses that talk about God giving you the desires of your heart? Psalm 37:4 says "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." John 16:23 says "Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." I desire Stephen. But then there's this verse in James that goes

You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:2b-3).

I need God's heart. How can I ask for anything with confidence that I will get it if I do not have His heart? Moreover, if He is not all to me, then I can't ask Him for anything. Garnett is still in a part of my heart where God needs to be. And I am excited for how God will redeem my heart for Him.

Lord, please help me to keep my focus on You. Give me Your heart, give me Your eyes. I pray for wisdom in abundance. And I pray that You would help me to love people as You love them. Would I look on all with grace in my eyes Lord? Hallelujah. Make me more like You Jesus. Would that be my sole desire? Please encourage me and strengthen me when I go into periods where I really miss Garnett. Would I take hold of the Spirit of Power, Love, and Self-discipline that You have already given me. Would I OWN it Lord! Your will be done Father.

Amen.

This entry does not represent well what I'm thinking/feeling. But praise God, that His transformation of me is not dependent on what/how much I remember, but on Him alone. He works it out, plants the wisdom into my heart, shapes and molds me. Thanks Lord.

5:56 pm