Jeffrey

Wow.

Today, Daytona called me and told me that Jeffrey Cabral, a fellow member of ours in the Liberty LEADS program at Bank Street College, hung himself. This is going to be really hard to write about.

Ummmm.......

So, Jeffrey and I were never close friends, but we went through a good part of high school together in Liberty and conversed every now and then. He was a goof, but he was uplifting and encouraging and seemed to just have such a hopeful outlook on life. He seemed to approach life with the attitude "Even though things are rough and difficult, I will overcome." Daytona was even closer to him and they engaged in deep conversation all the time. Jesus, please be with her and help her.

I was crying out "Why God, WHY?!" And it was not a cry of anger but of pain. Why did Jeffrey have to die like this? With no hope? I looked at his pictures on Facebook and I am so heartbroken. In almost every profile picture, he is smiling. I am so hurt. Why Jeffrey? Didn't you think about the people around you? How much they would hurt? Jeffrey, you must have know that death was not the answer!

Jesus, why didn't You reach him? Why did he have to die this way? Please Lord, make good come out of this. Please help those who know You understand that You are not blind to this and You care. You understand their pain. And for those who do not know You, I pray that they will not resent You and hate You. Help them understand that You are the God who cares deeply for His creation. You did not want this to happen.

And what gets me too is that it's so easy to say "Rest In Peace" or "I know you are in a better place." But no, you don't that he's in a better place. It's not that every person who dies goes to a better place. I think we deceive ourselves when we say that. And that makes reconciling the pain even harder. I hurt because Jeffrey lost hope. The hope and encouragement that he infected others with was not present in his own life. He despaired. He despaired. He lost hope. He took his life.

I hurt Lord. We hurt. Please meet us in the pain. Teach me how to pray for His soul. Help me pray for his family, his mother. Please hear my heart Lord. Comfort me. Help me to know with my heart that You hear and You understand. Thank You Lord for not ignoring my pain, for seeing my suffering and saying that it is not nothing; it has meaning.

Hallelujah.

Help me Lord to praise You in this storm.

Let it be so.