Church and PPD

So, where do I even begin.

Let's talk about church.

I can't stand it! >.<

And I don't mean church in general. I mean my own church. Like, today was the first time I've stayed back for church in a long time (I had to leave early every Sunday for 5 months because of play practice). And I cried after church today because I miss the cast so much! The PPD (Post-Play Depression) is killing me! >.< And church is only increasing the sadness. There is no life! Sometimes I feel as though I'm at a funeral. I'm the loudest one and I am so enthusiastic, but it is discouraging when that enthusiasm is not seen by anyone else in my church family.

Yesterday my day was filled with singing. I sang all day. Gospel For Teens from 11-1. There was Gospel Choir from 10-4 and I came around 2:15. Then at 7:30 was Misfits Youth Service and we sang in the beginning and sang for like an hour in the end. Then we went to AppleBees (and I didn't eat but it was fun xD). Anyway all the music we sang was about God. So this morning, I was in quite a good mood because I felt so full. I didn't even leave the house angry! So then I go to church. And I leave miserable and I'm like "When did that happen? I'm supposed to leave church happy and filled!" And I just lost my filling. I think it might be because I focus so much on how much the church has to change and the fact that I do not get much from it that it just depresses me. I was so anxious for the sermon to be over today! That does not happen. Aigh geez. God, help me. Change me. Help me to look at this from a godly perspective and to endure these last few months before I go to college. Aigh geez.