God, there's something You're gonna have to do for me. You're gonna have to humble me. 'Cause I'm still a bit confused. Enlighten me. I think the part of me that's human, like, the worldly part, is rising in me. Making herself known. The part that's like "Who is God? It's all about Man." I think I'm reverting back to that mentality that says "It's all about me." I mean, that's not even the main issue. I think the revival of my rebellious spirit/thoughts is the yesterday's revelation at Bible Study that I'm inherently evil. Romans 3:10-18 says:
As it is written
There is no righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one.
Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips.
Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.
Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes.
So, there is no good in me whatsoever. That's hard to believe. I mean, I know that humans think evil thoughts and do evil things, but does that mean we're evil by nature. Okay, I see how that is. You do evil things, you are an evil person. But, to group all of mankind under that umbrella? Like, I do not wish to slander or shed blood. I like peace and doing good. Like, I do bad things, but does that make me bad by nature? I thought that humans were inherently good but just not perfect. That we slip up. But it's quite difficult for me to accept that I am evil naturally. That is a strong adjective. Like, Satan status.
There were just so many questions that emerged after Bible Study. And so many weird feelings. Like, it's like Jesus is the white man that came to Africa to free us from our savagery. Almost like that. I mean, I what's so hard to accept is the fact that I am literally nothing without God. Nothing. Humans think they are the stuff, so when we hear that we are not in control/when we are called to relinquish it, it's like "No way." I don't know. I think I think I'm bigger than I am. But in a society that all about being the best that you can be, it's hard not to get gassed and feel like you've got control when you accomplish something. I dunno, it's all just so weird.
Going through this whole thought process, there's two sides of me. The side that loves God and wants to praise and worship Him, and the side that is confused and clings to worldly thought and logic. The latter part of me was explaining to my sister that the whole Christianity thing seems like a demotion. Like, a step down. I can't take care of myself or live for myself, so I have to give over my control to some being and bow down and worship this being. Then my sister says tho me that if I created myself, I could have chosen whomever I want to worship. But God is the one who created me. I didn't ask to be called into being, did not choose who my parents would be, my brothers, hair color, skin tone, the number of hairs on my head, none of it. It was all God. But then, I don't get why I am evil since God created me. My sis compared us to computers, how we create them, but they still get viruses. They have glitches. She that Satan represents the glitches in humans. But 1) Comps. are man-made and men are not perfect so the comps. are not perfect. 2) God is perfect, so shouldn't what He made be perfect? Maybe it's free-will. Like, God gave us free will so that there would be a chance for greater and deeper love. But He knew that that would come at a high price. That evil would be a side effect. Hmmmmm... I need to meditate on the Word. More to follow later.
~Janell
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Hi,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to share a bit of what I've learnt about this recently regarding grace. Up on my noticeboard, I have a piece of paper that says this: "I have great worth apart from my performance because Christ gave his life for me, and therefore imparted great value to me. I am deeply loved, totally forgiven, accepted and complete in Christ."
God did make us perfect. Evil came into the world through Adam's sin, which corrupted the rest of the human race. But... "just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." (Romans) Basically, you're not evil any more. Jesus lives inside of you, and therefore, in God's sight (and let's face it, at the end of the day He's the only one who matters), you're perfect. He doesn't see the evil inside you any more. There's a great book about this called Turkeys and Eagles. Part of what it says is that you are not inherently sinful any more. Yes, there's a struggle between the good and the bad, the righteous and the evil, and a battle going on for our minds, but that doesn't mean you are evil. If you've accepted Christ into your life, you're no longer a sinner, you're a saint. Romans 8 says :"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus".
There are two big reasons you should follow God and not yourself. One is that God designed you, therefore He knows what's best for you. He's got the instruction manual etc; it's like if you make a computer, the computer maker knows how best to look after it to get the best out of it. The computer doesn't necessarily know that itself. The other thing is as a response to God's love. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us". God didn't wait for us to get our act together before stepping in. He just stepped in and got on with it. Therefore, we should follow him as a response to that, a response of love. It's like how the greatest leaders don't scare people into following them, people follow them because they know that'll help them out.
I hope that helps a bit. Romans is probably one of the best places to look for a bit more of an explanation (but don't stop at Chapter 2--it starts out as an explanation of where we were, and then moves on to where we are now because of Jesus).