Emotional Pit Of Yuck

There is so much anger in me right now. I'm just UPSET. I mean, not getting into my top school is already enough to deal with. But then having to go to a church that just makes me vex and then to be bugged by my parents with questions they should know the answers to already either because they are obvious or because I've repeated myself so many times, does not help my mood. I am just in an emotional pit of yuck. And it annoys me when I am trying to get over the fact that I did not get into my dream school and I get these lame words that go "blah blah blah blah blah blah something something things will work out blah blah Obama did not go to an IVY League school for his undergraduate education." I am not upset about that! Urgh, I'm going to read this a few months from now probably be like "Oh my gosh, what is/was/whatever wrong with me?" But I am in such a rage! My church home is not catered to my 17-almost-18-year-old teenage needs. I have to put on this face, this mask and I gotta be fake. I HATE IT! And to be in a rage over that on top of something which is really not making your afternoon... April Fools Day is a really bad day to find out what schools accepted you. Me especially. 18th birthday is in 2 days and I feel like CRAP. God, you are gonna have to talk to me extensively. I'm hard-headed, confused, angry, upset, lost, discouraged, all this crap. I don't know where you want me to go. The next best thing, Binghamton, is in the suburbs (YUCK!), I've never been there, I have no idea how I'll get up there-UGH! Whatever!

AAAAHHH!!!

I AM SO SCARED!!!!! I am about to check whether or not I have been admitted to the University of Pennsylvania. Jesus PLEASE! I am so scared and so doubtful right now! But You are God. And You know where I am supposed to go. If I do not get into UPenn, it's because You don't want me there. You have bigger things for me. Help me to truly know that God and absolutely trust in Your will for my life. Oh God, help me. I can't say anymore. Please just help me. Amen.

College!

I came back from a four-day college tour last night, and I'm really excited to go to college! The colleges we looked at were Princeton, Temple, Bryn Mawr (an all girls school), University of Pennsylvania (UPenn), Villa Nova, Haverford, Johns Hopkins, Georgetown, American University, Dickinson, and Lafayette. Geez, that was a lot. Three colleges per day and then two on the last day. I'm grateful for the experience though. I went with I-LEAD and made memories with Crystal and Adeola, even Michael, Nataly, Jennifer, lol, Timothy (Brown Sugar!). It was fun. The only downside I'd say there was was the rain on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tours in the rain were not fun -_-. Anyway, I got a lot from this tour. I realized what my preferences are and what I'm looking for in a college. I really want to go to UPenn. Oh my gosh, it was so exciting. I want to go to a school in the city, or very near to the city, but I don't want to go to one that is the city itself. Like Temple, or NYU where you don't get the feeling of a campus. It's just buildings everywhere. I'm not writing off NYU yet though, I'm taking a class there this summer and I'll see how I like it. But UPenn was amazing. They had a billion different things you could do in terms of clubs and activities and there's a place for everyone. They said that a student even decided to create Students Without A Cause, which was a group of students who had no cause and went around protesting other people's clubs XD. It died out, but I think it's so cool that that was even allowed to be established. I mean, the thing I love about UPenn is that they don't limit you, in terms of what you want to major in or what clubs you want to create. They give you so much freedom. Another great thing is that it's not a party school, but I know I'll have total fun. And best of all, it's an IVY League school! It's known as a social IVY because they have so much fun. But it's balanced. Temple was a party school, like, I know if I go there, I'll get no work done. There's so much to do there, and that's good, except I feel like there'd be no one stop me from having too much fun. To encourage me to get my work done. At UPenn, because it's an IVY League school, everyone's focus is academics and everyone is striving to reach their goal. The fun comes second. Another great thing, I can graduate debt-free. They will meet 100% of my need. Argh! I want to go! XD And the awesomest thing is that I have a fighting chance. If I keep my head on straight, I could be so in there! I can't wait. I can't freakin' wait. God, please can I go to this school? Please? Anyway, if I'm not lazy later on, I'll talk a little more about the other schools we visited. Ta ta!