OH MY GOSH THESE PEOPLE DRIVE ME OUT OF MYSELF (LITERALLY!).
I come back to 29D, and all these things are stripped from me:
Unlimited freedom (which is expected, I'm not even upset about that)
A bed
Space to get away for when I need to chillax
Cleanliness
And it's driving me bonkers! Home is the complete opposite of Bing; in Bing, I'm free to be myself; at 29D, I am choked. Who I am can't breathe, so then I become miserable and add to the dissent already present in the household.
How do I take the peace of the Kingdom of God with me?
I HAVE TO DO MY QUIET TIMES EVERYDAY!!!!!
That is the only way who I am will breathe, the only way!! Or else she will have to live in suffocation until the next time she can get to church and ultimately until she goes back to Bing. I'm sorry, but I need my air. Like, I NEED my AIR. Or else a monster will truly emerge.
Also, there are some absurdities that have emerged naturally that have caused me to say uh-uh, NO for when I raise my kids. Like, today is Christmas and Rochelle, Noel, Kirk, and Ricardo are coming over for breakfast. So what happens? NOW we clean. And now we make space in the room to pull out the extra bed because Janell is not sleeping in the living room. I mean like, messes that have accumulated over so much time are just now being cleaned and why-- because we have guests coming over? FOOLish-NESS! Nah-suh, no way. Uh-uh! Not happening in my household! What kind of message does that send to my daughter? Welcome-back-but-not-really; that's what it says to me. I don't want to come home then if I have the opportunity to stay in Bing or elsewhere for a break! The past few days, I've been considering doing NYCUP summer for the precise reason that I'll have good housing for a month out of the summer. My own bed, my own space.
Anyway, peace of God, peace of God! Take it with you wherever you go! Love everybody!
Man, family is the hardest to love! Geez!!!!
Ugh, peace and Merry Jesusmas -___-
12:47 am.
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