Evan. Training/Circle Diagram

In about an hour and a half, Evangelism Training begins.

I'm okay.

Jesus taught my heart today that it's all about Jesus.

My incapabilities, my insecurities, will not stop God from doing what He's gonna do because it's all about Him. Hallelujah.

So I'm practicing this circle diagram. And I still don't feel ready. But I'm not bugging out. Father, please speak. Like, I really expect/know You are going to speak because these are Your children that You are equipping and teaching. You will not let them hear a false gospel. So speak Lord. Take over my nerves/anxiousness while I speak/leading up to the gospel presentation. There is power in Your Name and in the gospel! So affect and infect Dickinson small group with its truth. I am just Your vessel Lord. Wear me like a suit Jesus. Holy Spirit, do all the talking.

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We live in a broken world. There are big issues: homelessness, poverty, lack of water, economic injustice, sex trafficking, global warming, natural disasters, slavery, you name it. We look at these problems and we recognize them as wrong and we desire something better. If we have hunger, that suggests the existence of food. If we thirst, that suggests the existence of drink. The longing that we as people for a fixed world suggests that that either existed or will exist.

Christians believe that the world was at one point perfect. We were in right standing with God and with each other. We had each other's best interests at heart; our relationship with God, with each other, and with the world was whole. Everything was in harmony!

But we became selfish. We decided to place the focus on our own desires and our own interests, damaging our relationship with God and with each other. Sin, anything that hurts our relationship with God, was the curse that entered this world because of our selfishness.

So our world, which was designed for good, became damaged by evil.

However!

God in His love did not want us to stay in this state of brokenness. He sent Jesus, who was fully human and fully God, to come and restore the world. The cool thing about Jesus is that even though He was fully human, He did not have the curse of sin that humanity has. And so He was the perfect person to rectify our relationship with God. Even though He did not sin, He owned up to our sin and the price that we should have paid for it-- death. He died on a cross, and with Him dying He took all the crap with Him. He rose from the dead three days later, giving us freedom and hope. He offers forgiveness for our sin so that we don't have to be governed by the brokenness that is in the world. He gives us the opportunity to be restored to our relationship with God. So the world was restored for better.

What awesome though, is that it doesn't even end there! Jesus has sent us into the to heal! To bring the kingdom of God on earth. We cannot do this without Him, because we are still broken and sinful. We need God's healing and restoration for our own lives before we can be sent together to heal. And eventually, this world will be as it was, and there will not be any more evil and pain.

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Circle Diagram for the most part. Be with me as You share Lord God! May the hearts of Dickinson small group be receptive and open. May there be clarity and may the Holy Spirit have His Way. In the Name of Jesus I pray,

Amen.

6:10 pm

Beautiful Relation

Whoever that guy is supposed to be.... our relationship is going to be beautiful. Without the hype, the romanticism. Because of God, our relationship will be beautiful for what it is, not for what it's hyped up to be. Thank You Jesus. Thank You for transforming my eyes.

10:58 pm

Contentment in Christ=Freedom to Worship

Ah boy.

God is good yo. God is good.

I was hanging out with the Jer-man last night. Lately, I've been ancy and unsettled in my spirit because there is a lack of resolution between me and Garnett. On Sunday he said, "We may need to talk soon," and I said "Okay." So I was hoping that this conversation would signify the end of my wilderness. But Jer suggested that I might actually be on the verge of another breakthrough/level of distance/level of depth of understanding/growth. And so I am not out yet. Feels to easy though. Is that wrong to feel? I feel like I haven't felt enough pain yet to expect/ask for rain. But is it wrong to anticipate/expect pain in this way? Feels weird to think that way. I feel like it does not paint God in a right way. Dunno. Whatevs.

But I appreciate the clarity/some measure of understanding about what's been going on with me lately. Expedition was AWESOME. God was teaching me through Jonah 2 that I need to call out to Him when I am in distress, sacrifice with the voice of thanksgiving, and pay Him what I have vowed. He was renewing my spirit for sure. And then Monday came and midway through I crashed. Like, went down way low. I broke down with Kit before I led small group. It was not the best day. I am sick of fighting these insecure/low self-esteemish feelings when it comes to small group. And I keep having spiritual highs, then lows, emotional highs, than lows and it's icky man! But God is transforming my eyes and my heart. That kind of stuff don't come quick.

One thing I appreciate about Jer is that when I talk to him, he lets me talk and does not assume what I am going to say. And when he counsels me, he uses my own words, which in turn pieces discombobulated thoughts together. Lol. Thanks for not barking at me Jer! And thank you for keeping things real <3

So at the moment, I am really desiring contentment in Christ. Jon Chen and I are leading worship this Friday at large group and I'm really excited for it! We are expecting God to show up in a way that He has not before. We desire an atmosphere of worship. And Jer brought up a thought that what I'm going through has an effect on how I worship. And even though being expressive is how worship naturally, that is never fully realized when I am at IV because...I dunno, not the right atmosphere, environment? I don't know. Why is it that at BBCN I am so much freer and at IV I'm not? I think it's 'cause at BBCN I feel more one-ness with the people than I do I IV. At BB, you're gonna worship God no matter who is looking, no matter who's worshiping or not worshiping. At IV, we are conscious of others' beliefs, non-Christians who may be present, not being judged by others. But I want to worship! And I am going to worship. The Lord is shaping our identity so that we don't look to each other or the university community to determine how we do things, but to God alone. And worship is one of those things that should not be compromised for anything. It is all about God; exalting Him, being brought back to the understanding that we are called to worship Him, and reminding ourselves of what God did to save us from condemnation. Feelings of nervousness and concern about what others think should not infiltrate our worship AT ALL.

Yeah. Excited for tomorrow.

Trying to think of verses to share. What would You have me share Lord?

Anywayz.

Peace.

5:15 pm

Friends and Men

GRARH!

Oh-Em-GEE!

This ain't all that serious. But come on man!

So my friend is really pretty. She is really sweet and has an extremely killer voice. And that's great. But she's, like, milking up all the guys! You know that rule, that you can't date your friend's ex. So when your friend is dating all the guys you see potential in/find attractive, great for you! Every person I've been like Hmm, there's some chance there I have to write off in my mind because they are taken or have been taken by her. Agh!

And I laugh at this and say Really God? not in a depressing way but in a hah-hah-very-funny way. Oh the life of a single, Christian, little woman!

12:33

Oh sigh. I guess that it's a good thing though. Instead of seeing these guys as potential others, I'll be able to appreciate their community way more because I won't be thinking about what need he can fulfill or how we'll fit together. Will let You do Your thing, God. Will let You do Your thing.

My Name Means...

Janell - God is gracious (Hebrew)

Alicia - Noble, Exalted (Old German)

Salmon - Peace (Hebrew)